ASK MACK: 3

Here is round 3 of my "advice column"
xox

Distance makes the heart grow fonder:
So, there's this boy. And over the course of a year and 2 months, we've kind of fallen for each other. And I am the type of girl who doesn't like anyone. Not because they're not good enough, but because I'm way too picky when it comes to relationships. But then I met HIM, and nothing else seemed to matter. I'm not a very trusting person. I try to think far more with my brain as opposed to my heart when it comes to those things, but with him- it's different. Nothing else matters. The only problem? Distance. Before we graduated, he lived 1 hour away, and he'd come every weekend to see me, or vise versa. But he now goes to UNC Wilmington, which is a good 5 hours away from me. We're both so crazy about each other, that we feel sick. It's all so perfect, with the exception of miles. Nothing is going to get better until one of us does something irrational, I don't think. I'm going to a 2 year college, then transferring. I haven't picked a school to transfer to yet, and Wilmington has stayed stuck in the back of my mind. I don't know what to do. Do you think it would be worth it to leave everything behind here for the one person who makes me truly happy? Or should I play it safe, stay here, be rational, and get over it?
It gave me more of a reason to ask you about this subject, since I looked at your myspace before sending you this message, and I noticed you and your boyfriend live a good way away from each other. I figured you'd know WAY more than me about this kind of thing. Are things worth it for you two?

Mack Says:
I think that any couple can battle distance if its meant to be. You have to have trust and boundries for what is okay and what is not- that being said i think that you two should just stay together, see each other as much as possible. It seems like you really care about eachother so why break that up? stay with him and see where it goes, i think you should stay at the 2 year college that you've been planning to go to- keep your relationship going and when the two years is coming closer to an end i really think you'll have a much better idea of what is right. A LOT can happen in two years and i think it would be foolish to get your heart set one something when you don't really know what the future holds. My boyfriend and i lived 500 miles away from eachother for a year, he visited me as much as he could and we talked on the phone as much as we could. I think some key factors to keeping your relationship strong are A. TRUST! You need to trust him and he needs to trust you, you cannot always be there to see what hes doing so you need to know in your heart hes not doing anything you would not want him to be doing- and the same goes for you. B. Talk/text as much as you can just so you feel like you're involved in eachothers lives. C. Go have fun with your friends, don't let your life stop because hes not around. its a waste of time! I truly think you'll find out what is right when the time comes, but for now its too soon. Be happy with him even if you're far away, if you're meant to be together this will work!

Girl Wants Boy:
Hi Mackenzie.
I wanted a to ask for some of your guidance on an issue that's been bothering me for almost a year. Hahah, yes, almost a whole year. So I have the biggest crush on my guy best friend. I never had a guy or a friend who cared or made me laugh as much as he does. But I have my doubts that he doesn't feel the same way as I do about him. But to make matters worse, he has a girlfriend :/
I don't know what to do. It makes me jealous knowing when he's with her and it's killin' me knowing how much I really like him. I want to tell him, but I don't want to destroy our friendship and the friendship I have with his girlfriend. What should I do?

Mack Says:
Honestly i can't tell you what to do- i don't know how much you value your friendship with his girlfriend or how serious his relationship is with her. Something that i do when i have a hard decision to make- i make a list of pros and cons. i weigh my options and i see what the outcome of each decision happens to be. If you decide you want to tell him, remember he may not feel the same. Its never good to break up another persons relationship but i also think its unhealthy to hold back your feelings. Lets say you do tell him- I think it would be best to talk to him privately and face to face. Tell him you're not trying to break up his relationship or ruin your friendship with him- let him know you have strong feelings for him and that you felt like he should know. That way, the topic is out there, he can think about it and realize that its an option; who knows... he might be happy and feel the exact same way. Dont ask him to make a decision just put it out there and ask nothing of him in return. I think you'll get the best results that way if you do decide to tell him. But remember!!! If you tell him and his girlfriend finds out, she might not be so happy about you two hanging out anymore; even as friends.

No time for love:
Okay. This one is a bit complicated and i'm sorry, but there's no way I can't go in depth so here goes; Last year I met this guy and we really hit it off, became really close friends, all that jazz. I had started to really like him when we got to be close friends. Well he graduated last year and I figured it was no big deal that we had been friends and that I'd had a thing for him because I was sure he never felt the same way. He had had a girlfriend all through his senior year and that made it even more apparent to me that he was in no way interested.
Well over this past summer we started talking again. It was no surprise to me that we were just as close as we had always been. During the course of us talking I was seeing this one guy who had sort of treated me like crap and my friend wasn't shy about bad mouthing him to me whenever we were having issues. I figured it was just him being a friend, but when the other guy and I broke up for good, i found out different.
I was really distraught and so I called my friend from my best friend's house at like...midnight. I was complaining to him and crying most of the night and finally he decided to come over and attempt to cheer me up. So, he got there at about one in the morning and stayed until two thirty.
That whole time he talked to me and made me feel a lot better, that and despite my vulnerable state, he kissed me. Normally I would have been appalled at anyone who would do that. I mean seriously? I had just broken up with my boyfriend of nearly three months two days ago. Surprisingly though, I didn't do or say anything. I welcomed the kiss from him. Three days later he asked me to be hid girlfriend and I actually accepted, despite my not being over my ex.
There were a few issues with this relationship. 1. My parents have a rule where I can only date people who are a year older/younger than me. No more, no less. He is two years older than me. And unfortunately my parents know of this. 2. He works a lot. Like I would never get to see him. And between his college, my high school, work, and rehersals for the plays we're both in; there was no time for us to be together.
I told him this two weeks ago. We were spending the afternoon together before a show I had and I told him that not being able to see him was really hard and I hated the way things had to be. He proceeded to suggest that this wasn't the right time for us to be together and that maybe we should wait a while. The problem with this is that by the time I turn 18, he will not be in the same town as me, and I am moving to San Fransisco after I graduate. So waiting, would not work.
Against my thoughts though, I agreed and he dropped me off at the theater to get ready for the show before he had to go to work. It wasn't necessarily said, but we both knew that it was over. I got out of his car and walked 50 feet before I collapsed and started bawling my eyes out.
I was like that for four days solid. About an hour after he had dropped me off, I called him and told him that I didn't care if I never got to see him. I just couldn't stand to lose him. I knew waiting wouldn't work and I wanted to seize the moment. He wasn't so sure.
So I ended up giving up. Or at least appearing as if I have. I haven't talked to him in a week. The thing is, I love him. Completely and totally. It's like... You know how there are certain people in everyone's life that makes them not want to be a better person, but feel like they are who they should be when they're with that person? It's like that. I'm not me without him. I'm this zombie that can't eat or sleep or even smile without thinking about how he is feeling.
Honestly, it hurts. I don't get any sleep and I have a perma-headache. I'm a bitch to all of my friends except for maybe my two best friends. I don't know if I should try and move on or try and make it work. From what I've been told, my now ex is just as miserable as I am and I want us back, but I really don't know what to do.

Mack Says:
Well, it seems like there are many factors trying to keep you apart- first off i hope that you choose to follow your dreams and move to San Francisco (don't let a boy hold you back): make sure you are doing all the things you set out to do- period. Second I can see that you really care about him, my best advice would be to follow your parents rules by not necesarilly "officially dating" but i think that you should talk to him, hang out with him as much as you can and just make it work. There are certain things you just can't avoid like- your parents, his job, moving away and your age. Work with what you have, be close friends that perhaps... act like they are together? You just can't force things to work, so right now all you can do is talk to him, be there for him and vice versa, see him as much as you can and keep living your life. As i think you see, being miserable isn't going to change what this is, just make the best of it and see where it all takes you. Maybe your parents will lighten up and maybe he'll get more free time- but as for now work with what you have, its not impossible to have some sort of relationship with him; and that is what i would advise. I think you'd be happier with a close friendship than not talking to him at all. If you two are meant to be, the world will make it happen.


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