Currently listening to: The Cure
Hey guys! Hope all is well, i'm so excited for the holidays. I get to go home to see my family and best best friends in IDAHO on sunday. Its been 3 months since i've seen them, and it feels like forever. Anyway here are your questions! Hope your holiday celebrations are wonderful. XO
3 is a crowd:
hey. i noticed that you give people good advice but im in a real pickle. and i know that you probably dont like nasty details but i feel like some information is honestly needed for you to give me a good answer.
i just realized that i fell pretty much head over heels in love with my best friend. he is kind of a man slut but i cant help it. i love everything about him. but we had sex and everything was fine. we were drunk when it happened but we have gotten drunk before and nothing has happened. the night after or 2 nights after we had sex we got really drunk again but this time with my best friend. we actually ended up having a 3 some. and i know it was fucking stupid of me but now its like really hard to talk to him and after the first time we had sex he was really cute with me and kissed me goodbye and was texting me kissy faces and said that he missed me and hearts and shit. now i have no clue what to do because i am seriously falling head over heels for him. this sucks. any words??
Mack Says:
Well based on what you have told me, I think it would be best to build an intimate and loving relationship without any substances like alcohol or drugs. I'm not here to judge you or the things that you like to do, but i do think it would be best that you didn't end up having drunken sex with him for a while- until perhaps you have established a relationship. As you have said, he is your best friend- therefore you have a strong relationship. Like i've told others before, honesty is the best policy. If hes having sex with you, and sending flirty texts; there is obviously something more there. The best thing you can do is be honest with him, tell him how you feel about him- chances are hes going to be honest with you as well. If he does feel the same, thats awesome- you guys can take it to the next level. If he doesn't feel the same, don't let it ruin your relationship, it will all pass- but then you know that getting drunk and taking things to that "level" probably isn't the best idea. Hope it all works out for you. If you have any more info about this situation and need more of an answer feel free to email me again. xo
A world apart:
hi mackenzie,
so, i am 18 and i never had a real relationship, i dated some guys, but none of it worked out. so, i am single and have a little crush on a guy who goes to school with me. we talk, we smile at each other and i know he likes me and i recognized that hes glancing at me sometimes...i often drive him home, thats the only time i really can talk to him. the main problem is that circle of friends is not really the same, so i have no chance to see him outside school...i invited him to do something with my friends once, but he had something else already planned, hum...well.
so i like him, but i have no idea how to show him that, except for smiling or looking at him. but i am really bad at this...and i cant just walk up to him and tell him that i like him...really, i am too shy for that :D
so you have any idea what i could do? i know it sounds stupid, but have been rejected for telling someone that i have a crush on him, so i dont think that i will ever do this again, except i know for sure that he likes me the same way i do.
so, help me ;)
Mack Says:
Well like you said, you know that he likes you. So that is a big indicator right there. I know rejection sucks, but its a huge part of life- You can't hide from any situation that might end in rejection or else you're going to lead a very sheltered and lonely life. Just because you asked him to hang out once, and he already had plans- does not mean that will happen every time. See if him and some of his friends want to see a movie, or get ice cream with you and some of your friends. Different groups of friends should not keep you apart. Go out on a limb here and make things happen. Talk to him when you're driving him home ask him to hang out again. Its okay if he has plans, just say "oh alright well we really need to get together, what day would work best for you?" hes not booked everyday for the rest of his life- but some planning might be required. I know in my personal life, i require a lot of planning- so its not a blow to your ego, just the truth. I think its better that he says he is busy, rather than giving you false hopes and then blowing you off. The guy likes you, take the chance, make then hanging out happen! Plan in advance and make sure you're not too worried about disappointment, its inevitable in this life. But to be totally cliche "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" so lame, but oh so true. xo
Make up:
Hey! Okay So I'm really bad at doing my makeup and I wondered if there were any tips or techniques that you had because your makeup is always gorgeous! Thanks so much. I love your blogs they help me a lot.
Mack Says:
Well thanks :] I get most of my make up from MAC. I like it the best. A good tip would be to go get your make up done once and let them know you're looking for an every day look not anything crazy. They can help you figure out what is best for your skin (dryness, oily, combination etc), skin color, hair and eye color etc. I use a tinted moisturizer, studio fix, blush and bronzer. for my eyes i use a black pencil for liner and blackest black mascara. I also fill in my eyebrows just a tad, because they are a little lighter than my hair color. hope that helps, if you need me to elaborate on this just let me know. xo
The difficulties of boys:
I'm not quite sure what I'm wanting or in search of. I was thinking about what advice I'm actually looking for and I think it's more of a a wanting to just be heard. When I moved down here it feels like a kinda lost connection with all my good friends so I haven't really had anyone to talk to except for Alex, but he's kind of distant when it comes to emotional comfort because of his family. He's very different from me. My mom and I have almost always gotten along; even when we were super mad at each other we could always get over it and still love each other. So when things started to get pretty rough with my parents Alex couldn't understand how I could still even talk to them, much less live in the same house as them. His mom has had cancer twice which I think has contributed to him really not liking and/or trusting his parents; they were always trying to push him to be the best and he was, but then something change and he decided that they weren't going to be a part of his life and they we nOt going to control his actions. He and I are just from very different backgrounds. For example; my little sister Celena has had to have three surgeries because of a shoulder/arm injury and that's been incredibly expensive and taxing on our family and because of that my family hasn't had money to put into a college fund for me. Alex just really doesn't get how they could do that to me and he resents them for that. I've come to realize he just doesn't like parents lol.
I hope I'm not the only one that thinks boys are difficult. I think I'm pretty smart but they just stump me sometimes wow lol. Alex is charming and its hilarious. He really can talk to any girl and get her attention lol and he knows. I dunno this is confusing. He wants a girl to be perfect; he wants me to be perfect and most the time he says that I am but he always points out the little things. Sometimes he says I'm not trying or acting like I'm 100% committed to our relationship, but I well I don't know what to do to like show him that I am. I don't see the opportunities I guess. And he says the reason the little things matter so much is because he wants this-us -to work more than anything. Hmm I don't know where I'm going with this lol. I think I just needed to empty my glass. I also think that I don't like the unexpected; I want to know what's coming and how to prepare for it. I want to know that everything will be alright, ya know?
Wow sorry mackenzie, I know that's alot and well thanks for just listening...reading lol. I hope you're having fun down in LA : ) oh and I was wondering like how are you living down there? Isn't it like crazy expensive to live by yourself? lol.
Mack says:
I understand the "needing to be heard" Its understandable that you're from different places and different families but in all honesty its not fair of him to not be there emotionally for you just because he has had a hard time in the past. I've also found that as far as relationships nobody is perfect, no relationship is perfect. It is about finding the imperfections that you can deal with in another person. whether its, breathing too loud, the way he dresses, how he only showers on tuesday- i don't know- little stupid things that might drive someone crazy, and then be just fine to someone else. We all have flaws, imperfections and annoying habits. He needs to love and accept you for who you are. He can't expect perfection. Living in LA is hard, really hard- but i think its important that regardless of what he says, you should keep your family close. I know things are tough, but they will always be there for you and love you unconditionally no matter what. Don't listen to his negativity. Things will look up soon, and i'm always here to listen when you just need to be heard. xo
About your sweater:
I started my second year of college in September and met a lovely boy who's my age but the year below me (he dropped out last year). I'm 18 and he's 18 in May. Now at the start, I thought he was intriguing because of the sweater he was wearing, and so I added him on myspace. Now we've become really, really good friends, and I see him every day, spend all day with him and I've completely, totally fallen for him. And I know he likes me too, he says stuff like how beautiful I am and how much he loves spending time with me. The only problem is, he's got a girlfriend, who he's been seeing for 7 months. And he loves her too, but says he wants to end things with her because he doesn't love her in that way anymore. He says he is too scared to do it. He also says stuff like nothing could happen between me and him because we're friends, and then the next day he says things like he can't stop thinking about me or whatever. I really don't know what to do because it's actually hurting me inside to think that I can't have him, I know I should try and get over him but I really can't.
I just don't know what to do.
Cheers Mackenzie, you're a star. xxxxxxxxxx
Mack Says:
He is obviously very conflicted, but it isn't fair for you to have to wait around for him to make up his mind. He doesn't get to have a girlfriend and then a great girl on the side too. Let him know you really have feelings for him, but that you're not going to just wait around till he decides he doesn't want a girlfriend anymore. I don't think its good to be hanging out with him all day either- i know you really like this guy, and thats normal. But just think about his girlfriend, it really isn't fair to her. I would be careful getting involved with a guy who would spill his feelings for another girl and spend so much time with her, while he has a long term girlfriend. If he does it to her, there is no garuntee that he wont do it to you too. You just need to have a serious talk with him, tell him whats up and decide if this is all worth it. xo
The ex-files:
Okay so me and my ex broke up like 2 months ago and idk. he has this absolute grudge against me and he calls me a "slutty bitch" and i wasn't even the one who broke it off, he was. he got mad because i hung out with this one guy like 2 weeks after we broke up and idk. it doesn't even make sense. but now its like idk. a couple of these other guys like me and they're nice guys. i should want to like them to or to want to hang out with them. but the idea of it repulses me and all i can think about is my ex and its horrible. he was the first guy i ever got sexual with and now i cant even think about doing that with other guys. i flirt with them and everything, but i still miss my ex so much. it's so stupid but i need ideas on how to get over him and be able to move on to other guys? idk if that makes any sense.
Mack Says:
Are you sure that you don't want to be with him anymore? I guess my question would be why are you broken up in the first place? You can't let the petty things he says get to you. Guys are very immature like that. I would evaluate your relationship with your ex and figure out if things could ever work again. If the answer to that is no, then you just need to stop talking to him or having any contact with him at all. Its okay if you're not ready to have sex with other guys, that is not expected of you. I would say to just date other guys, get to know them and wait on the whole sex thing. that will come with time.
xo
ALRIGHT thats all the questions for this issue I'll be talking to all of you soon. Merry Christmas xoxo
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
GIRL T@LK:8<3
Currently listening to: Does it offend you, yeah?
Okay here is the 8th issue of Girl T@LK! and i'm excited.
Cali has been depressing but whateverr. i've made some new friends and its really nice. I guess i'm going to a Li Cari event and i'm excited about that too, i'll post pictures if i get any sweet ones later. anyway on to your questions, i love you guys !
PS- I'm in such a sassy mood tonight, so if anything i say comes off as harsh or insensitive i apologize but its how i'm feeling. So if you can't stand the heat get outta the kitchen. PS maybe take a glance at other GIRL T@LKS before you ask stuff, i get lots and lots the same questions. oh well still love you. and keep sending stuff
askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com
xo
Boys boys boys:
So recently the guy i was in love with decided to just start ignoring me. Now me and him have been going on and off for about 3 years and the reason i kept on giving him chances and he kept giving me chances was because we both loved each other. But now..it seems its all turned over. His friends dont really like me for some reason and thats kind of been a problem also. We went out about 5 weeks ago for like a week and we broke up because he wouldnt act like we were going out at school. But of course after that he apoligized and i still gave him another chance. But about 2 weeks after that he just stopped talking to me..wouldnt reply to my texts, calls, nothing. So tahts when i started breaking down..i mean this was the guy i loved just leaving me. So for about a week after that i was miserable. I decided to call him and ask him why he's been doing this and he said that he didnt even have a reason for ignoring me. So i dont know what to think anymore. We arent talking anymore but i still just want to know why he's been doing this. I have to get over him. But its just so hard. I loved him so much and he hurt me so bad but i still cant get over him. I would do anything just to even be friends with him but it just seems like its not worth it anymore.
Mack Says:
Well, i didn't see much of a question here- so i'll give you my insight. First off, when you love someone you don't ignore them, you're not swayed by peer pressure or childish impulses like pretending you're not dating. He is obviously immature and needs to grow up a little. I know this all sounds harsh, but its the truth. Yeah, i understand you really cared about him, but wtf is his problem? Don't let a guy play games with you like that, his chances are up and there isn't any reason to go back to that BS. Be a strong, self respecting girl and find a guy that can dig that. There are plenty out there.
Burn in hell?:
So pretty much.. I know I did something wrong. Long story short was that about a year ago I met this guy. We talked and what not. We met through a friend which i met online. I know sounds cheesy but I was starting to really like this guy. And He started to like me too. He actually thought I was someone else. The year went by and we called me his girlfriend. and Yeah it was pretty much a online relationship. Little did he know I was i live in the same stated and city as him. But he thought something else. But anyways I kept the secret from him for about a year! and Then I couldnt take it anymore and i finally told him the truth. At first he was like I just show yourself I love you no matter what. That was all a lie cause when i was walking down the street to go see him. He just laughed and drove off. Yeah I know i did soemthing very wrong. But i couldnt help it. They way he made me feel. Last words he said to me were I hope you get hit by a bus and burn to hell. I know he doenst mean that its just out of anger. But its been two months since that all happen. And im trying so hard to get over him and its not working there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of him. I dont know if i should just tell him who i really am. And have my life hated and make my high school experience done with. Or what. Im lost. Confuse. I want him back. I think i lost my chance becasue all the times he ran after me and the one time i had to run after him i didnt..
Mack Says:
I think you've answered your own question. You know in your heart what the right thing to do is- so i suggest you do it. Why are you so afraid of him seeing you? I mean unless you used some fake photos or something, he knows what you look like. See him in person, an internet relationship is a little strange and i would assume not very satisfying. If he is half the man he says he is, he will care for you exactly the same. If he doesn't, then he is not worth it. He clearly cares and really wants to meet you in person, so why not give it a shot? Where are things going to go if you don't? You have nothing to lose.
Michael Cera?:
Ok so I have been friends with this guy for a year or so now and he's just a great guy friend. He'd always get excited to see me and talk to me at school and outside of school and I'd go see his his little indie band play... that's actually how we became friends because he played at a venue I work at. He's fun and I love his personality and taste in music. I think he liked me for a while and I had a boyfriend over the summer so we didn't really talk much. But now since school started we've been talking like usual and I broke up with my boyfriend like a couple weeks ago but I don't know if he knows? and he was talking about this other girl who goes to our school... so I'm guessing he likes her, but you know when it hits you that you really like someone? well... that happened to me, even though I always have a little bit. I compare him to my ex's and he's so much better. we have the same sense of humor (which is a biggie for me...) and he's cute and I
love how he's akward but it's funny... idk how to explain it. He plays like every instrument and has a passion for music and I love it. He's like a cute indie boy... haha. anyways. For the past couple weeks he hasn't really even said hi to me in the halls and he doesn't come up and talk to me anymore and act cute and the way I love... I don't know what's wrong and I don't think I did anything? It just makes me really upset because I miss him so much and it's made my last couple weeks kinda sad because I don't want to lose him as a friend... and I like him and I'm so bad with timing... like I wasted my time with my ex when he was there infront of me the whole time and I think he's moved on... but why is he not talking to me now? I don't know what's wrong it's just not the same... and I don't know what to do... because I don't see him now to stop him and talk to him... I just want to know why it's changed all of a sudden.
Mack Says:
As you can see from the title, thats how i'm picturing this guy and i don't know why. But on to the point- you like this guy... so go for him. Seriously! He is probably just feeling conflicted, tell him you and your bf broke up- that you are madly in love with him (maybe not those exact words..) and get on with it. I don't think hes going to reject you, you've had a history and are great friends. Just step outside of your box and say hi to him, let him know that you care. That will go a long way. Follow your heart, and be 100% honest, that is the best thing i can think of.
Older Men:
please help!
my boyfriend is two years older than i am.
we've been dating for almost 9 months now.
well, he'll be graduating this year, but i'll still have two more years of high school left.
i'm worried about how things will be once he graduates.
i'm worried we wont see each other as much,
and that things wont end up working out.
how did you and your boyfriend make it work?
Mack Says:
Well, every relationship is different. I've answered quite a few questions close to this one. I think its always nice to see that other people are in the same boat as us, i would recommend looking at some past GIRL T@LKS too. Anyway, you've got 2 more years period. There isn't anything you can do to change that (except graduate early... which is not smart every girl i know that has done that loses their friends and is way too obsessed with their bfs) ANYWAY. Enjoy highschool, its the only time you'll ever EVER have it. You think you hate it, but then you get out and move away- you will miss it- at least a little. Its such an easy time in live (no matter what any highschooler thinks now) so yeah, don't worry about the future so much. What is going to happen, will happen regardless of your efforts. My advice, have a strong caring honest loving true REAL relationship and you'll be fine. 2 years is a while, so sit tight and enjoy the ride.
xo on my mind/blog
>
lolzzz
me tor and her puppycake
Okay here is the 8th issue of Girl T@LK! and i'm excited.
Cali has been depressing but whateverr. i've made some new friends and its really nice. I guess i'm going to a Li Cari event and i'm excited about that too, i'll post pictures if i get any sweet ones later. anyway on to your questions, i love you guys !
PS- I'm in such a sassy mood tonight, so if anything i say comes off as harsh or insensitive i apologize but its how i'm feeling. So if you can't stand the heat get outta the kitchen. PS maybe take a glance at other GIRL T@LKS before you ask stuff, i get lots and lots the same questions. oh well still love you. and keep sending stuff
askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com
xo
Boys boys boys:
So recently the guy i was in love with decided to just start ignoring me. Now me and him have been going on and off for about 3 years and the reason i kept on giving him chances and he kept giving me chances was because we both loved each other. But now..it seems its all turned over. His friends dont really like me for some reason and thats kind of been a problem also. We went out about 5 weeks ago for like a week and we broke up because he wouldnt act like we were going out at school. But of course after that he apoligized and i still gave him another chance. But about 2 weeks after that he just stopped talking to me..wouldnt reply to my texts, calls, nothing. So tahts when i started breaking down..i mean this was the guy i loved just leaving me. So for about a week after that i was miserable. I decided to call him and ask him why he's been doing this and he said that he didnt even have a reason for ignoring me. So i dont know what to think anymore. We arent talking anymore but i still just want to know why he's been doing this. I have to get over him. But its just so hard. I loved him so much and he hurt me so bad but i still cant get over him. I would do anything just to even be friends with him but it just seems like its not worth it anymore.
Mack Says:
Well, i didn't see much of a question here- so i'll give you my insight. First off, when you love someone you don't ignore them, you're not swayed by peer pressure or childish impulses like pretending you're not dating. He is obviously immature and needs to grow up a little. I know this all sounds harsh, but its the truth. Yeah, i understand you really cared about him, but wtf is his problem? Don't let a guy play games with you like that, his chances are up and there isn't any reason to go back to that BS. Be a strong, self respecting girl and find a guy that can dig that. There are plenty out there.
Burn in hell?:
So pretty much.. I know I did something wrong. Long story short was that about a year ago I met this guy. We talked and what not. We met through a friend which i met online. I know sounds cheesy but I was starting to really like this guy. And He started to like me too. He actually thought I was someone else. The year went by and we called me his girlfriend. and Yeah it was pretty much a online relationship. Little did he know I was i live in the same stated and city as him. But he thought something else. But anyways I kept the secret from him for about a year! and Then I couldnt take it anymore and i finally told him the truth. At first he was like I just show yourself I love you no matter what. That was all a lie cause when i was walking down the street to go see him. He just laughed and drove off. Yeah I know i did soemthing very wrong. But i couldnt help it. They way he made me feel. Last words he said to me were I hope you get hit by a bus and burn to hell. I know he doenst mean that its just out of anger. But its been two months since that all happen. And im trying so hard to get over him and its not working there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of him. I dont know if i should just tell him who i really am. And have my life hated and make my high school experience done with. Or what. Im lost. Confuse. I want him back. I think i lost my chance becasue all the times he ran after me and the one time i had to run after him i didnt..
Mack Says:
I think you've answered your own question. You know in your heart what the right thing to do is- so i suggest you do it. Why are you so afraid of him seeing you? I mean unless you used some fake photos or something, he knows what you look like. See him in person, an internet relationship is a little strange and i would assume not very satisfying. If he is half the man he says he is, he will care for you exactly the same. If he doesn't, then he is not worth it. He clearly cares and really wants to meet you in person, so why not give it a shot? Where are things going to go if you don't? You have nothing to lose.
Michael Cera?:
Ok so I have been friends with this guy for a year or so now and he's just a great guy friend. He'd always get excited to see me and talk to me at school and outside of school and I'd go see his his little indie band play... that's actually how we became friends because he played at a venue I work at. He's fun and I love his personality and taste in music. I think he liked me for a while and I had a boyfriend over the summer so we didn't really talk much. But now since school started we've been talking like usual and I broke up with my boyfriend like a couple weeks ago but I don't know if he knows? and he was talking about this other girl who goes to our school... so I'm guessing he likes her, but you know when it hits you that you really like someone? well... that happened to me, even though I always have a little bit. I compare him to my ex's and he's so much better. we have the same sense of humor (which is a biggie for me...) and he's cute and I
love how he's akward but it's funny... idk how to explain it. He plays like every instrument and has a passion for music and I love it. He's like a cute indie boy... haha. anyways. For the past couple weeks he hasn't really even said hi to me in the halls and he doesn't come up and talk to me anymore and act cute and the way I love... I don't know what's wrong and I don't think I did anything? It just makes me really upset because I miss him so much and it's made my last couple weeks kinda sad because I don't want to lose him as a friend... and I like him and I'm so bad with timing... like I wasted my time with my ex when he was there infront of me the whole time and I think he's moved on... but why is he not talking to me now? I don't know what's wrong it's just not the same... and I don't know what to do... because I don't see him now to stop him and talk to him... I just want to know why it's changed all of a sudden.
Mack Says:
As you can see from the title, thats how i'm picturing this guy and i don't know why. But on to the point- you like this guy... so go for him. Seriously! He is probably just feeling conflicted, tell him you and your bf broke up- that you are madly in love with him (maybe not those exact words..) and get on with it. I don't think hes going to reject you, you've had a history and are great friends. Just step outside of your box and say hi to him, let him know that you care. That will go a long way. Follow your heart, and be 100% honest, that is the best thing i can think of.
Older Men:
please help!
my boyfriend is two years older than i am.
we've been dating for almost 9 months now.
well, he'll be graduating this year, but i'll still have two more years of high school left.
i'm worried about how things will be once he graduates.
i'm worried we wont see each other as much,
and that things wont end up working out.
how did you and your boyfriend make it work?
Mack Says:
Well, every relationship is different. I've answered quite a few questions close to this one. I think its always nice to see that other people are in the same boat as us, i would recommend looking at some past GIRL T@LKS too. Anyway, you've got 2 more years period. There isn't anything you can do to change that (except graduate early... which is not smart every girl i know that has done that loses their friends and is way too obsessed with their bfs) ANYWAY. Enjoy highschool, its the only time you'll ever EVER have it. You think you hate it, but then you get out and move away- you will miss it- at least a little. Its such an easy time in live (no matter what any highschooler thinks now) so yeah, don't worry about the future so much. What is going to happen, will happen regardless of your efforts. My advice, have a strong caring honest loving true REAL relationship and you'll be fine. 2 years is a while, so sit tight and enjoy the ride.
xo on my mind/blog
>lolzzz
me tor and her puppycake
Thursday, November 20, 2008
GIRL T@LK: 7!!
Hey guys, i've clearly not been getting on here a lot, and i apologize (again) i'm suuper busy. But LA is getting so much better. I started acting school, (which is AMAZING!!!!) it makes me feel like i have a purpose. Going to school for something you love is the best thing i've ever done. I know there is a lot of pressure to go to college etc. which is right for SOME people, but in this case acting was the right path for me to take. I get this feeling while i'm learning about it or doing it or performing that i don't get from anything else and to be honest i could not be happier! Anywayyy on to the questions! Please keep sending them and i'll keep answering (as much and as often as i can!!) i love love talking to you all, and when i do post a new blog i will also post a bulletin on myspace to let you know (and if you email me i'll tell you when a new blog is up) okay! love youuu all.
oh and PS i think there is 1 question that i didn't answer;.. and i don't remember which one it is, it is a comment on the blog and i loose track of those- so if i failed to answer your question feel free to email it to me, or repost it on the newest blog (email is best!!!!!)
Part time lovers:
So, this guy and i have been dating for around two years, and things were going great. We had tons of fun, kept our space when needed, our sex life was wonderful, and we supported each other. We were very happy with each other. However, just recently, things started going downhill; we quit talking--everything he said was full of "i'm better than you" ideas. He enjoys talking to me about things i dont understand/care about (video games, etc). He stopped supporting me and would flake out on things that were very important to me. He apologizes over and over, and swears that he is committed and loves me. I feel underappreciated at times but still feel like we both want to be in this together.
To make matters worse, I met up with another guy about a year ago who seems to fill the holes that my boyfriend is leaving out. About a month ago, this guy and I made out and it has been continually happening every so often.
I don't really know what I'm asking here, but I am basically wondering what kind of things you and your boyfriend do to keep your communication with each other alive; I want to get rid of this other guy and be specifically with my current boyfriend--how can we improve our commitment to each other with our communication skills?
Mack Says:
First off, getting rid of that other guy would be the best thing to do (that is, if you want to keep things going with your BF now) if you don't want your BF then you should break up with him. there obviously has to be the commitment from both sides, and right now you're not providing that by seeing another boy. You need to choose which is more important to you, i know this new guy is exciting and seems to have it all- but really look at the situation. figure out what he really has to offer you, if it is a lot of really awesome stuff, maybe try things out with him for real. then again, once the sneaking around is done- it might loose its excitement. The only way to make communication better- is to practice it. Don't let him shut you down, or make you feel small and stupid. Don't let it be okay that he is leaving you hanging at an important event. Tell him how you feel, let him know the distance you're feeling as well. Perhaps taking a break- just so you can both appreciate eachother more would be a good idea. relationships are never totally amazing. sometimes things really suck and it is all about how you work it out together! Talk to him, make him listen and respond and tell you how he is feeling. if he can't do this- i suggest you take a break.
Full plate:
So, this year I am a senior in High School and i've always heard everyone say it is the most fun year of your life! Try the busiest year of your life! I am taking AP classes, volunteering, trying to find a job, trying to get along with my family, and be a good friend. I have so much to do, it is rediculous but I'm not really stressed at all. I am just completely unmotivated. I have been procrastinating everything, especially my homework, which is not me at all! I have so much college stuff to do because I cannot decide where I want to go for the life of me! I finally figured out what I want to do but unfortunately not that many colleges offer my major, which is a little frustrating. Even though I am so excited about this year and college I just cannot seem to get motivated to do anything. I would rather sit around and read or sleep than do anything productive. On top of that I am seriously trying to lose weight. I have been for years now. I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to stick to anything. I suffered from depression for a long time and I haven't "relapsed" in a really long time and I am really excited about that. But I am really confused lately. I am not sad, in the least bit, but sometimes I just feel like crying. Some days I don't want to be around people and then some days I feel like I have to be surrounded by them. Which are some of my symptoms of when I was depressed. It is like I am depressed without actually being sad, it is so strange. I have also been questioning my morals lately. I have always felt really strongly on where I stand when it comes to morals but lately I just keep thinking about it and questioning it. And I can't really even say why, it just keeps popping into my head. On top of that sophomore year I had totally fallen for this guy and we dated but it didn't work out. We just weren't right for each other and I think we both knew it but we kept getting back together a few times. I have completely moved on from him but he just treated me so horribly in the end it made me kind of lose my faith in guys. I figured that none would ever like me because of the way I look blah, blah, blah. I find myself trying to flirt with my guy friends just to see if they will flirt back and I hate when I do it! I just feel like the one year when I need everything to be coming together, everything is falling apart. I am unmotivated and confused and scared. And I just don't know the next step to fix all of that. I know it was kind of a million questions in one but I just sort of spilled out everything. An answer on your blog or just an e-mail back, would be great. thank you so much.
Mack Says:
You have a lot going on in your life, which is normal for a senior in high school. It can be so hard to be motivated and to get things moving. trust me, i know this too haha. It is a really scary transition- from high school to college. You have a lot to do, and sometimes it is just easier to not do it, then it all piles up which makes it harder, which just makes you want to leave it even more. Here is how i would look at it (i have to do this when i clean my room because i hate it so much) if you don't start (cleaning) or working things out now, its only going to be harder and (messier) later. you can either even out the work load and do a little each day or take it on all at once- which will really suck. you just have to clear your head of all the distractions and sit down and do it! it is hard, but i know you can if you really make yourself. after all that schooling, you're so close to the end!! make it work. as far as depression goes, maybe seeing a professional would be benificial to you- when i had a lot going on in highschool i did that. i can really relate to how you're feeling, and sometimes just getting it out there helps a lot. all of the things you asked me about are just about commitment to yourself, and making things happen. all of this stuff is a choice, they are choices you are making for yourself. if you don't like them- you and only you have the power to change them.
"when i grow up":
Hey Mackenzie, I also want to be an actress but I'm always having trouble with my family accepting it or being supportive. I live close to LA and I'm moving there soon. I was wondering what you are doing to get started out there? Do you have an agent or anything yet or a way to get auditions? And who did your headshots and how did you find them? I think they are incredible. I have a lady I think I'm going to use, but I was curious about the photographer you used.
Do you ever get discouraged since it is such a difficult business to be successful in? I want it so badly that I'm still trying, but I get SO discouraged and overwhelmed at times...
Sorry for all the questions, I truly look up too you! And I think what you do on your blog is amazing!
Mack Says:
Of course i get discouraged! haha thats all a part of this place. It is okay to be bummed, or to get rejected (and if you can't handle that acting isn't for you). But i would say to go to an acting school, look online. That is the ultimate tool- it shows you everything. I mean there is no way that (well not for most.. maybe 1%) you can just jump in and make it without any training or knowledge of the craft (high school drama class doesn't count..sorry) . Learn it, make a commitment and just go for it. My family was not too hot on the idea of me not attending college either but i think its about following your heart. you know what is right for you. it might change down the road- but school is always there! My advice would be to look for acting schools and then go from there. don't go looking for an agent yet (without experience) how i look at it is that i don't want to audition until i feel like i have something REAL to offer. Have something to present, something to be proud of and learn your craft- and you will be fine.
Stubborn Lady:
in march i had a fling with a guy i really liked and enjoyed spending time with. it lasted longer than it has with other guys and we got on really well. one day he just stopped talking to me, and about 2 weeks later i confronted him. it didn;t end too well, and i used a bad choice of words which has stopped us talking ever since. it has left the relation between us very awkward and we NEVER speak. i have never stopped thinking about him and the other night when i got drunk, i ended up texting him. he replied the next morning wondering if the text was really meant for him, he remained the same nice guy id always known.
i really really would love to let him know how i feel but i fear rejection. i can't just tell him i like him and im too stubborn to talk to him, i don't necessarily want him to get flattery from me liking him if he doesn't feel the same.
im always thinking of him, daydreaming etc.. im always thinking of opportunities to see him in person
can you help?
Mack Says:
Relationships are all about taking risks. You have to put your heart on the line, all of your feelings forward. you can hold it all back and then expect things to fall into place. in order or "reward" to take place there has to be "risk". sometimes you'll fail, you'll be sad but life goes on. what is the worst that will happen? you say you never talk, things suck between you two etc. so what do you have to lose? swallow your pride/ego and take a risk. if he doesn't like you back then you're just in the same spot- only then you would know that its okay to move on and stop day dreaming. if he likes you too- then you'll be happy. don't let your ego get in the way of showing someone how you feel. rejection is normal, heart break is normal. its going to happen someday whether you like it or not.
Trash flavored Trash!:
Im sorry about your mother, i don't really know the situation though. sorry.
i have you on my myspace and i was wondering if you could help me! I live with my boyfriend, his best friend, and his best friends girlfriend. our 2 roomates are weird and gross and trash everything. he keeps saying that he will do something about it but the way i see it, he never will. they have all been friends for MANY years and we've only been together about a year. when i mived in they already lived here 2 years. How can i explain to my bofriend, without hearing him say that its too bad or having him comapre me to them and see us as equal, that i can't stand them and it makes me miserable to be in this house!?
Mack Says:
Your boyfriend as well as your roomates need to respect you and how you feel. There should be no comparison between you and his friends either- you're totally different and your relationships should be seperate. Tell him what you think, how you feel about his friends- if he doesn't want to do anything about it then i think you should move out. i have always thought that moving in with your bf or gf too soon was a deal breaker, nothing is your own. so maybe looking for new places to live with maybe your best friend? would be a good solution.
Abusive relationship:
so, i was dating this boy for about two years. things were great the first few months like in every relationship, but then after that he started getting emotionally abusive with me. he made me believe that i was basically the scum of the earth. he would always ask me to change myself. he'd order me to lose weight, or he wasn't going to be happy. (i'm only 104 pounds and i'm 5'4!) he'd order me to not talk to my friends, he'd order me to not do the things i wanted to do. we would fight EVERY DAY and i would cry EVERY DAY. We'd break up every week, but i was stupid and i thought that i would do it to make him happy. but it was never good enough, no matter what i did. so he broke up with me a few weeks ago, and i cried that night. after that, i was the happiest i've ever been in my life. i'm not in denial or anything, i've accepted the fact that we're over and i'm happy about it. is that wrong?
i'm not angry, or sad about us being over. i'm angry and sad over what he made me feel. i hate him so much for what he did to me.
now, i have this thing with a perfect boy. he is so nice, and he is everything i deserve. i'm just afraid to be hurt so badly again, and i'm afraid to take the chance.
Mack Says:
First off- i think it is GREAT that you got out of that. i found this, and it might help you or other girls in the same situation
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm
that site has a lot of great info about abusive relationships. The best part though is that you saw that you were in a bad place and got out of it- so many girls don't do that. anyway on to this new boy, if you know he is perfect and wonderful and you trust in that- i think easing into the relationship would be smart. you have been through a lot- and it should not be expected of you to just jump right back into things like that. you have every right to take it slow!! but also know- just because one boy hurt you, does not mean all boys are like that. ease yourself back into trusting people. talk to a professional so you can recover from that!! i wish you luck and again i am so happy that you got out of that relationship!!
Prep School:
ok so i just moved down here from northern cali so i was brand new and didnt know anybody and i was turning in job applications and met this guy that worked there but we didnt say anything but somehow that night we found eachother on myspace and i said hi to him and he asked if i knew him and i said i met him at his work and he was allll sweet and was like ohhh yea i was hoping you would talk to me your gorgeous lets hang out sometime outside of my work so he got my number and called me that friday and asked to take me to sushi on saturday. he picked me up and we went and then went to the movies and the whole time he was suuuch a gentlemen and im not usually into that but i was with him. he kissed me all night and was amazing to me all night then took me home and we ended up having sex.!! and im not like that at all he was my second guy but for some reason with him i didnt care. we talked when he got home and he told me that he did have a past with hooking up with alot of girls just for a one night stand and i asked if i was one and he said no he wont even exchange numbers with the ones he just sleeps with or spend any money on them so i felt fine,. he came and saw me the next day and told me not to get attached because he was leaving for military school in 3 days!!! it was horrible. i wasnt attached to him but i was pretty into him and especially after having sex with someone, it attaches you emotionally. he left for military school and he told me he couldnt talk much but they would let him talk on the phone every once in a while. well i saw that he was able to get on myspace every once in a while so i messaged him and for the next month we messaged like 1 or 2 times a week and it was nice. nothing like omg how cute but it was nice and we talked about seeing eachother when he came to visit.(its not military school to be in the military, its a college prep school for his senior year). he randomly called me one night then texted me and was being soooooooooo sweet telling me how much he missed me and he cant wait to see me and hang out with me but he kept saying he cant wait to fuck me either haha. i didnt know how to take that but i mean they are there with just guys for a full year so that has to be hard for them. after that night of texting me that he stopped texting me and i have tried to text him and he hasnt texted back but idk their schedule. idk if he even has his phone still because that was just soooo weird how he had his phone that night. i sent him a message on myspace and he never responded. idk what to do. ughhh. some people keep saying just be straight up with him and blunt with him and ask him whats up but i dont want to because its not like im a priority of his since we only hung out a couple times before he left. what would you do?
wow thats a long story haha. but im getting mixed signals so idk what to do
Mack Says:
wow haha thats a lot to take in! I can see how you would feel emotionally attached to him! that is so normal when you have sex with someone... but you said people are telling you how you should be towards him and i have to say that i agree when it comes to confronting him. You may have had a short relationship so to speak, but it was clearly taken to a serious level when you hooked up with him- therefore i think you deserve to know wtf is going on! because you may be hoping for more than he is willing to give. If that is true- then you can move on and he can have fun at school. Don't just sit around not knowing what is going on because if he comes home and things aren't how you expect, you're going to be upset that you didn't figure out what the deal was. good luck girl- do what you can and if it works thats awesome, if not thats okay too. you have an experience to learn from.
Some lovely ladies that i admire:
XOXO
Mackenzie
askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com
oh and PS i think there is 1 question that i didn't answer;.. and i don't remember which one it is, it is a comment on the blog and i loose track of those- so if i failed to answer your question feel free to email it to me, or repost it on the newest blog (email is best!!!!!)
Part time lovers:
So, this guy and i have been dating for around two years, and things were going great. We had tons of fun, kept our space when needed, our sex life was wonderful, and we supported each other. We were very happy with each other. However, just recently, things started going downhill; we quit talking--everything he said was full of "i'm better than you" ideas. He enjoys talking to me about things i dont understand/care about (video games, etc). He stopped supporting me and would flake out on things that were very important to me. He apologizes over and over, and swears that he is committed and loves me. I feel underappreciated at times but still feel like we both want to be in this together.
To make matters worse, I met up with another guy about a year ago who seems to fill the holes that my boyfriend is leaving out. About a month ago, this guy and I made out and it has been continually happening every so often.
I don't really know what I'm asking here, but I am basically wondering what kind of things you and your boyfriend do to keep your communication with each other alive; I want to get rid of this other guy and be specifically with my current boyfriend--how can we improve our commitment to each other with our communication skills?
Mack Says:
First off, getting rid of that other guy would be the best thing to do (that is, if you want to keep things going with your BF now) if you don't want your BF then you should break up with him. there obviously has to be the commitment from both sides, and right now you're not providing that by seeing another boy. You need to choose which is more important to you, i know this new guy is exciting and seems to have it all- but really look at the situation. figure out what he really has to offer you, if it is a lot of really awesome stuff, maybe try things out with him for real. then again, once the sneaking around is done- it might loose its excitement. The only way to make communication better- is to practice it. Don't let him shut you down, or make you feel small and stupid. Don't let it be okay that he is leaving you hanging at an important event. Tell him how you feel, let him know the distance you're feeling as well. Perhaps taking a break- just so you can both appreciate eachother more would be a good idea. relationships are never totally amazing. sometimes things really suck and it is all about how you work it out together! Talk to him, make him listen and respond and tell you how he is feeling. if he can't do this- i suggest you take a break.
Full plate:
So, this year I am a senior in High School and i've always heard everyone say it is the most fun year of your life! Try the busiest year of your life! I am taking AP classes, volunteering, trying to find a job, trying to get along with my family, and be a good friend. I have so much to do, it is rediculous but I'm not really stressed at all. I am just completely unmotivated. I have been procrastinating everything, especially my homework, which is not me at all! I have so much college stuff to do because I cannot decide where I want to go for the life of me! I finally figured out what I want to do but unfortunately not that many colleges offer my major, which is a little frustrating. Even though I am so excited about this year and college I just cannot seem to get motivated to do anything. I would rather sit around and read or sleep than do anything productive. On top of that I am seriously trying to lose weight. I have been for years now. I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to stick to anything. I suffered from depression for a long time and I haven't "relapsed" in a really long time and I am really excited about that. But I am really confused lately. I am not sad, in the least bit, but sometimes I just feel like crying. Some days I don't want to be around people and then some days I feel like I have to be surrounded by them. Which are some of my symptoms of when I was depressed. It is like I am depressed without actually being sad, it is so strange. I have also been questioning my morals lately. I have always felt really strongly on where I stand when it comes to morals but lately I just keep thinking about it and questioning it. And I can't really even say why, it just keeps popping into my head. On top of that sophomore year I had totally fallen for this guy and we dated but it didn't work out. We just weren't right for each other and I think we both knew it but we kept getting back together a few times. I have completely moved on from him but he just treated me so horribly in the end it made me kind of lose my faith in guys. I figured that none would ever like me because of the way I look blah, blah, blah. I find myself trying to flirt with my guy friends just to see if they will flirt back and I hate when I do it! I just feel like the one year when I need everything to be coming together, everything is falling apart. I am unmotivated and confused and scared. And I just don't know the next step to fix all of that. I know it was kind of a million questions in one but I just sort of spilled out everything. An answer on your blog or just an e-mail back, would be great. thank you so much.
Mack Says:
You have a lot going on in your life, which is normal for a senior in high school. It can be so hard to be motivated and to get things moving. trust me, i know this too haha. It is a really scary transition- from high school to college. You have a lot to do, and sometimes it is just easier to not do it, then it all piles up which makes it harder, which just makes you want to leave it even more. Here is how i would look at it (i have to do this when i clean my room because i hate it so much) if you don't start (cleaning) or working things out now, its only going to be harder and (messier) later. you can either even out the work load and do a little each day or take it on all at once- which will really suck. you just have to clear your head of all the distractions and sit down and do it! it is hard, but i know you can if you really make yourself. after all that schooling, you're so close to the end!! make it work. as far as depression goes, maybe seeing a professional would be benificial to you- when i had a lot going on in highschool i did that. i can really relate to how you're feeling, and sometimes just getting it out there helps a lot. all of the things you asked me about are just about commitment to yourself, and making things happen. all of this stuff is a choice, they are choices you are making for yourself. if you don't like them- you and only you have the power to change them.
"when i grow up":
Hey Mackenzie, I also want to be an actress but I'm always having trouble with my family accepting it or being supportive. I live close to LA and I'm moving there soon. I was wondering what you are doing to get started out there? Do you have an agent or anything yet or a way to get auditions? And who did your headshots and how did you find them? I think they are incredible. I have a lady I think I'm going to use, but I was curious about the photographer you used.
Do you ever get discouraged since it is such a difficult business to be successful in? I want it so badly that I'm still trying, but I get SO discouraged and overwhelmed at times...
Sorry for all the questions, I truly look up too you! And I think what you do on your blog is amazing!
Mack Says:
Of course i get discouraged! haha thats all a part of this place. It is okay to be bummed, or to get rejected (and if you can't handle that acting isn't for you). But i would say to go to an acting school, look online. That is the ultimate tool- it shows you everything. I mean there is no way that (well not for most.. maybe 1%) you can just jump in and make it without any training or knowledge of the craft (high school drama class doesn't count..sorry) . Learn it, make a commitment and just go for it. My family was not too hot on the idea of me not attending college either but i think its about following your heart. you know what is right for you. it might change down the road- but school is always there! My advice would be to look for acting schools and then go from there. don't go looking for an agent yet (without experience) how i look at it is that i don't want to audition until i feel like i have something REAL to offer. Have something to present, something to be proud of and learn your craft- and you will be fine.
Stubborn Lady:
in march i had a fling with a guy i really liked and enjoyed spending time with. it lasted longer than it has with other guys and we got on really well. one day he just stopped talking to me, and about 2 weeks later i confronted him. it didn;t end too well, and i used a bad choice of words which has stopped us talking ever since. it has left the relation between us very awkward and we NEVER speak. i have never stopped thinking about him and the other night when i got drunk, i ended up texting him. he replied the next morning wondering if the text was really meant for him, he remained the same nice guy id always known.
i really really would love to let him know how i feel but i fear rejection. i can't just tell him i like him and im too stubborn to talk to him, i don't necessarily want him to get flattery from me liking him if he doesn't feel the same.
im always thinking of him, daydreaming etc.. im always thinking of opportunities to see him in person
can you help?
Mack Says:
Relationships are all about taking risks. You have to put your heart on the line, all of your feelings forward. you can hold it all back and then expect things to fall into place. in order or "reward" to take place there has to be "risk". sometimes you'll fail, you'll be sad but life goes on. what is the worst that will happen? you say you never talk, things suck between you two etc. so what do you have to lose? swallow your pride/ego and take a risk. if he doesn't like you back then you're just in the same spot- only then you would know that its okay to move on and stop day dreaming. if he likes you too- then you'll be happy. don't let your ego get in the way of showing someone how you feel. rejection is normal, heart break is normal. its going to happen someday whether you like it or not.
Trash flavored Trash!:
Im sorry about your mother, i don't really know the situation though. sorry.
i have you on my myspace and i was wondering if you could help me! I live with my boyfriend, his best friend, and his best friends girlfriend. our 2 roomates are weird and gross and trash everything. he keeps saying that he will do something about it but the way i see it, he never will. they have all been friends for MANY years and we've only been together about a year. when i mived in they already lived here 2 years. How can i explain to my bofriend, without hearing him say that its too bad or having him comapre me to them and see us as equal, that i can't stand them and it makes me miserable to be in this house!?
Mack Says:
Your boyfriend as well as your roomates need to respect you and how you feel. There should be no comparison between you and his friends either- you're totally different and your relationships should be seperate. Tell him what you think, how you feel about his friends- if he doesn't want to do anything about it then i think you should move out. i have always thought that moving in with your bf or gf too soon was a deal breaker, nothing is your own. so maybe looking for new places to live with maybe your best friend? would be a good solution.
Abusive relationship:
so, i was dating this boy for about two years. things were great the first few months like in every relationship, but then after that he started getting emotionally abusive with me. he made me believe that i was basically the scum of the earth. he would always ask me to change myself. he'd order me to lose weight, or he wasn't going to be happy. (i'm only 104 pounds and i'm 5'4!) he'd order me to not talk to my friends, he'd order me to not do the things i wanted to do. we would fight EVERY DAY and i would cry EVERY DAY. We'd break up every week, but i was stupid and i thought that i would do it to make him happy. but it was never good enough, no matter what i did. so he broke up with me a few weeks ago, and i cried that night. after that, i was the happiest i've ever been in my life. i'm not in denial or anything, i've accepted the fact that we're over and i'm happy about it. is that wrong?
i'm not angry, or sad about us being over. i'm angry and sad over what he made me feel. i hate him so much for what he did to me.
now, i have this thing with a perfect boy. he is so nice, and he is everything i deserve. i'm just afraid to be hurt so badly again, and i'm afraid to take the chance.
Mack Says:
First off- i think it is GREAT that you got out of that. i found this, and it might help you or other girls in the same situation
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm
that site has a lot of great info about abusive relationships. The best part though is that you saw that you were in a bad place and got out of it- so many girls don't do that. anyway on to this new boy, if you know he is perfect and wonderful and you trust in that- i think easing into the relationship would be smart. you have been through a lot- and it should not be expected of you to just jump right back into things like that. you have every right to take it slow!! but also know- just because one boy hurt you, does not mean all boys are like that. ease yourself back into trusting people. talk to a professional so you can recover from that!! i wish you luck and again i am so happy that you got out of that relationship!!
Prep School:
ok so i just moved down here from northern cali so i was brand new and didnt know anybody and i was turning in job applications and met this guy that worked there but we didnt say anything but somehow that night we found eachother on myspace and i said hi to him and he asked if i knew him and i said i met him at his work and he was allll sweet and was like ohhh yea i was hoping you would talk to me your gorgeous lets hang out sometime outside of my work so he got my number and called me that friday and asked to take me to sushi on saturday. he picked me up and we went and then went to the movies and the whole time he was suuuch a gentlemen and im not usually into that but i was with him. he kissed me all night and was amazing to me all night then took me home and we ended up having sex.!! and im not like that at all he was my second guy but for some reason with him i didnt care. we talked when he got home and he told me that he did have a past with hooking up with alot of girls just for a one night stand and i asked if i was one and he said no he wont even exchange numbers with the ones he just sleeps with or spend any money on them so i felt fine,. he came and saw me the next day and told me not to get attached because he was leaving for military school in 3 days!!! it was horrible. i wasnt attached to him but i was pretty into him and especially after having sex with someone, it attaches you emotionally. he left for military school and he told me he couldnt talk much but they would let him talk on the phone every once in a while. well i saw that he was able to get on myspace every once in a while so i messaged him and for the next month we messaged like 1 or 2 times a week and it was nice. nothing like omg how cute but it was nice and we talked about seeing eachother when he came to visit.(its not military school to be in the military, its a college prep school for his senior year). he randomly called me one night then texted me and was being soooooooooo sweet telling me how much he missed me and he cant wait to see me and hang out with me but he kept saying he cant wait to fuck me either haha. i didnt know how to take that but i mean they are there with just guys for a full year so that has to be hard for them. after that night of texting me that he stopped texting me and i have tried to text him and he hasnt texted back but idk their schedule. idk if he even has his phone still because that was just soooo weird how he had his phone that night. i sent him a message on myspace and he never responded. idk what to do. ughhh. some people keep saying just be straight up with him and blunt with him and ask him whats up but i dont want to because its not like im a priority of his since we only hung out a couple times before he left. what would you do?
wow thats a long story haha. but im getting mixed signals so idk what to do
Mack Says:
wow haha thats a lot to take in! I can see how you would feel emotionally attached to him! that is so normal when you have sex with someone... but you said people are telling you how you should be towards him and i have to say that i agree when it comes to confronting him. You may have had a short relationship so to speak, but it was clearly taken to a serious level when you hooked up with him- therefore i think you deserve to know wtf is going on! because you may be hoping for more than he is willing to give. If that is true- then you can move on and he can have fun at school. Don't just sit around not knowing what is going on because if he comes home and things aren't how you expect, you're going to be upset that you didn't figure out what the deal was. good luck girl- do what you can and if it works thats awesome, if not thats okay too. you have an experience to learn from.
Some lovely ladies that i admire:
XOXO
Mackenzie
askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
ASK MACK: 6
OKAY! So its been a while since i've posted and i do apologize if you've been waiting for a while. Anyway i do appreciate your questions and do have one thing to ask
SO PLEASE READ!!
***If you have questions that you would like answered and do not want them posted on my blog, you can direct them to my myspace- but i would prefer questions for my blog only! again, if you do want to ask: send them to -
ask mack.girltalk@yahoo.com or post a comment here**
I'll try to post as much as i can, i'm just really busy lately with the new move, school and two jobs a social life- ETC.
xox
BFFS?:
me and my best best friend have recently gotten into a huge fight, the biggest fight we've had. and at first it was over a boy.
which is really really really stupid i know. and then i looked back at it and i realized that its a lot more than that.
see this guy liked both of us and we both liked him. but she always always gets the guys, and guys barely ever notice me.
and finally one did! and i couldnt have him bwcause she wanted him and she was bragging about how he liked her and that he was going to pick her over me,
so i finally just asked her why he couldnt choose me over her? and she started screaming at me. it was really mean, she called me
a lying bitch and stuff. and i felt really bad like i always do and said sorry and she told me that she hated me. so now im really trying hard to
talk to her and stuff and she just says okay to everything i say. im really sick of it. and then i hungout with the guy, and i felt bad for even talking to him.
and then she hooked up with him 2 days later and i know that she didnt even think about me or how i would feel. but the piont of this
entire thing is is that im really confused on if i should apologize or not? because i really miss her and i want my bestfriend back but im ALWAYS the one to
apologize to her first for stuff i havent even started. but im afriad that if i wait for her to apologize that she never will, because i dont think she misses me :/
what should i do? (sorry for this being sooo long)
Mack Says:
I know where you're coming from- In friendships i feel like i'm the same way most of the time, i think its good though. Some people are very stubborn and i think its great that you can forgive and forget. Your friend seems a little self centered- It really isn't cool that she assumes the guy likes her and then totally disregaurds your feelings by hooking up with him. I think that in the future if you're friends again, you guys need to find a happy medium with the guys you go after. And the whole "the boy likes us both" is a huge sign of immaturity. I think a good way to avoid that would be to meet people through different ways. If you're always around the same people or boys its easier to fall for the same ones, step outside of your comfort zone and make new friends and perhaps love interests. It is great that you're so in tune with your friends feelings and the fact that you're not doing anything to jepordize your friendship like hooking up with the guy you both like. You need to confront her and let her know how you're feeling- make sure the things you say aren't full of "you do this/you do that" make it more of "i feel like this/ it seems like this" because when you point fingers like that, it makes her defensive. You do need to talk to her because i can tell your friendship is important, but as we all learn bestfriendships don't always last forever. Sometimes there isn't much you can do, when you apologize, try to make things right and they just sit there and wait for you to do all the work. its unfair and every healthy relationship has give and take. Talk to her, try to work it out- if she can't step up and say that she is sorry and fix the nasty things she has done, she might not be that great of a friend to keep around.
Food Talk:
So you may find this a bit pointless but I really need some advice. I find myself eating stuff all the time. Like i never get full or anything. I'm not fat but I scared I might get fat. I need to stop but I just don't know how. The weird thing is that when I have had a boyfriend in the past I don't eat nearly as much at all. Some people have said that it may be the fact that I eat becuase I'm depressed or bored but really I've very content with being single.
Mack Says:
I've had this problem as well- as far as eating too much etc. I think a good solution would be to get active! Go to the gym, join a class, run/walk/jog outside- get yourself moving. That is going to help the "boredom". I think as far as your love life goes, its like this- when you're in a relationship you have a lot less free time. I don't think its that you're depressed or unhappy being single. I just think you have too much time on your hands. If you start working out 3-5 days a week, you're going to feel so much better about yourself, look better and then you can eat what you want!
When Suzie met Sally:
okay, so recently i have been having some troubles with friends.
it all started last year, one of my best friends of three years (we'll call her susie :] ) slept with my sisters boyfriend.
so obvisouly, we didnt remain friends.
well about three years ago, i had met this new girl (we'll call her sally :] ) and we started become really close just instantly.
we soon became best friends; we did everything together, we were inseperable.
well, this school year started and sally decided she would start hanging out with susie (yes, sally did know everything that happened between susie and my sister and all that drama)
well ever since sally and susie started hanging out, sally and i dont talk anymore.
and if we do, its really short and sally usually doesnt care.
its really hard because i dont know what to do.
everytime i try to fix things with sally, she just seems to not care.
but then other times she says she wants to fix things; and that we'll always be best friends.
what do you think i should do?
also, i have noticed that your boyfriend is a few years older than you.
well so is mine.
this year he will be graduating, and i just wanted to know...
HOW DO YOU DO IT!?!?!
Mack Says:
If Sally knows all of the drama between you and Suzie: yet she is still hanging around her, she clearly has character judgement issues. I'm sorry that girls sometimes suck so badly.... but the reality of it is, you should let this girl go. Its not fair to you, to have a "best friend" that hangs around with someone you have a serious problem with. Best friends don't do that! And they certainly don't ignore you, say they want to fix it and then never get around to it. She seems self centered which is usually the case with teenage girls, and i can't really say that i see this being mended- unless she doesn't want to hang around Suzie OR if she can have your friendships be seperate and keep your relationship happy and healthy. Tell her how you feel about all of this, ask her why she is choosing to hang around Suzie, and see if you guys can keep your friendship strong and sepereate from Suzie.
As far as my relationship goes, he is 2 years older than me, and one grade older. He moved to Seattle for his first year of college and we just talked a lot, set boundries and made it work. He moved back and i graduated- we've been together ever since. Realtionships are all about trust, and knowing what is okay and what isn't. Communicate with eachother and you won't be dissapointed.
Sad and Confused:
When I was in 8th grade I met this guy who I instantly fell for. I had almost every class with him, and he would always talk to me and make me laugh. I was really shy back then, and plus he made me so nervous because I really liked him! He had a girlfriend though, so I kept my feelings in. Over the summer I didn't forget about him, but I figured I wouldn't see him around very much. Freshman year started and it turned out I had two classes with him. I couldn't believe it. I was so happy, yet so nervous at the same time. We began talking a lot that year, and after awhile we became best friends. My feelings for him grew stronger and stronger every single day. But he didn't feel the same way back. So I tried to just be happy knowing I had him as my best friend. It was better than nothing. During our friendship, he had many girlfriends. He would talk to me about them, and I would always be there to help him out with his girl problems, and whatever. Even though it killed me to hear about the other girls in his life, I was there for him and was the best friend I could be. All of his girlfriends hated me. They didn't want him talking to me, because they were jealous of the close friendship we had. He hurt me so much with other girls. He would tell me that he liked me and wanted to be with me, but then he would go and date someone else. I can't even tell you all the pain he put me through. But even so, I stuck around and was always a friend to him. I eventually told him exactly how I felt, and that I couldn't take feeling hurt all the time. He told me that he liked me, but was too worried about ruining our friendship. I began dating someone else short after. I was with him for 10 months, and the whole time we were dating I kept telling myself that I was over the other guy. We were still best friends, I was just trying to let go of the feelings I had for him. The feelings never went away. My boyfriend and I broke up, and the other guy was there for me. He came over the day it happened and I just cried on his shoulder. To my suprise, he leaned in and kissed me. I had no idea what was going on. I never thought that would ever happen. From that day on, we were more than just friends. We didn't start dating, but we were pretty much "together." He promised me he wouldn't do anything with anyone else, and I promised the same. I was so happy, I couldn't believe after all those years I finally had him. It felt so good. About five months later, I found out he kissed another girl. I was devastated. I told him to come over and I yelled at him and cried and told him that it was either her or me. He couldn't have both. And that if he chose her then I would be out of his life for good because I couldn't take anymore hurt from him. He cried, and apologized over and over. He said it was a mistake and that he felt so guilty after. He said kissing her made him realize how much he cared about me, and only wanted me. He promised not to talk to her anymore, and I gave him a chance. We began dating, and we have been together for a year and a half now. Since we started dating he has made so many changes for me. He completely stopped talking to that girl he kissed, and he is so much more caring and considerate. I can't even explain how many changes and sacrifices he's made for us. I am incredibly happy with our relationship. All of our friends think we are perfect and are so jealous of what we have. We've been through so much together. But the thing is, I'm so insecure with our relationship. Because 1) All the times he hurt me with other girls in the past. 2) He has lied to me before. 3) TONS of girls want him. I can't stand it. I feel like there is no girl in my town that he hasn't dated, liked, flirted with, or that hasn't liked him. and it drives me insane. I always think that maybe he still likes one of them, or that he'd rather have someone else. Even though he doesn't do anything to give me that idea. He doesn't talk to any of his ex's or people he used to flirt with. He does everything he can to make me happy. So I just don't understand why I feel this way. I can't let go of things that happened in the past no matter how hard I try. He gets so frustrated about it, and tells me he only loves me and only wants me. I don't know what to do. How can I get over this feeling? I don't want it to somehow ruin the wonderful relationship we have. Help!
-Sad&Confused
Mack Says:
It is hard for everyone to get over pain as well as being lied to. Trust is something that takes a while to get back- BUT know that if he is as irrestistable as you say :] then he could be with any of those girls, what you need to realize is that he is with YOU, if he didn't want to be with you then he would not be with you. Appreciate what you have, know that he loves you and if he didn't, then he would not waste time with you. Its great because you have a strong friendship as well as a good relationship. Be happy with him, know that you're a beautiful, awesome girl and be confident in yourself. <3
Just Wondering:
i've just always been curious about you and your boyfriends relationship. like how you met, and situations you have gone through. you seem so happy and i would love to know your story!
Mack Says:
Well.... Matty and i started talking online (hahaha how silly) but yeah. on myspace at first, I told some of my friends about this guy that i had a crush on, and it just so happened that one of my good friends knew him through her boyfriend (they went to the same school) So we ended up meeting in June 2005 at a carnival in our town. At this time i was 14 years old (almost 15), and he had just turned 17. When i first saw him i can honestly say that is was love at first sight, i nearly fell over. Now i'll have you know that Matt wasn't about to let me know that he liked me. I was extremely shy, and barely said one word to him. We hung out together with some friends all night and i came out of my shell a little bit. We talked on the phone all the time, and hung out a lot. And strangely enough i kissed him first. We started dating a month after we met (July 1st 2005) and its been going very well ever since. I'm 18 now, he is 20- its been about 3 years and 4 months. We have had some rough spots, some "breaks" but nothing earth shattering and nothing over a day or two. So yeah, thats how it all started!
Jealous!:
So, I have a friend, whom i am very close to, but she is a huge flirt. and she flirts with my boyfriend a lot, even though she has a boyfriend already. This really bothers me because shes GORGEOUS. should i be bothered? he also flirts back. and when i tried to confront my boyfriend about it he just got mad. we've been together for almost a year, too. and there is also another girl who is not gorgeous, but they've hooked up in the past and they still flirt with each other. i just don't know what to do about it, jealousy kills
Mack Says:
Jealousy is really hard, we all deal with it in some form or another. I think you really need to tell your friend what you think, its so not cool of her to be like that with your boyfriend. Chances are, its just her personality and she doesn't even know that she is doing it, I do think that you confronting her will make her realize it and hopefully make it stop. As for your boyfriend, you have every right to let him know how you are feeling, If he has trouble dealing with that, then there might be a bigger issue. Again, with this old hook up, you need to tell him whats going on inside of your head, chances are he is not interested in her. Like i've said before in this blog, If he didn't want to be with you, then he would not be with you- he would be with her! Be confident in yourself, always share how you're feeling with those that you love and that love you. A lot of times, when something is hurting you, they don't always know the role that they play.
Not the Girl Next Door:
i really hope you can help me out because this has been on my mind for MONTHS....my boyfriend and i have been going out for a little under two years and ever since january it's been on and off. he broke up with me so suddenly then and he started hanging out with other girls. one of them was way older than he was and lets just say she was NOT the girl next door type. well during this time i would still talk to him and occasionally see him and he told me he madeout with this girl..but then i saw some of his instant messages with her and her exact words were "i dont want to feel like your sex buddy." i'm worried that he's lying to me and they really had sex and even though he tells me all the time that he swears on everything they only made out it still bugs me. after he moved on from that girl, he started hanging out with two other ones. i would always catch him lying about talking to them or hanging out and it really hurt. one night i went over to his house to surprise him (we were on good terms at that time) and i saw one of the girls cars there and they were in his room all laying on his bed together. this happened awhile ago and now we have been together without any break ups for four months and he tells me all the time that he is done with all of those girls and doesnt want to see or talk to them again. i always end up believing him but the second we get into an argument or something small like that he goes straight to them and talks to them about how he's not happy with me and is afraid of leaving me and being with me at the same time. when i confront him about it all he says is that he didnt mean what he said and he regrets it and he really loves me and wants to be with me. this has happened more than two times and im so confused about what to do. my mom thinks hes not good for me because i always end up coming home crying. i really do love him and i can honestly picture myself with him, but i really just want him to stop talking to those girls like he says he will. what should i do to help make the situation better?
Mack Says:
There isn't anything you can do on his end- HE needs to be the one to fix the mess that he has made. It is unfair to you, that he is always running back and fourth and keeping you on a string. If he isn't doing what he says he will, then he isn't a very trust worthy guy- and i think that trust is one of the most important things to a relationship. Let him know what you want to be done, and if he can't do it- you should reconsider your relationship. Find a guy who treasures you and treats you how you deserve to be treated!
Long distance lovers:
So I dig this kid who is in the us navy. I met him my 10th grade year when i moved here. We talked and then he moved to Seattle. We stopped talking, and we found each other on myspace again. we have been talking since march of this year maybe. I dig him, and he digs me, but he keeps picking these little fights with me. He will always tell me to send him dirty photos and it gets annoying after while. But that is not the point. He always will say i don't want relationship until i get there when i come visit. HE HASN'T VISITED YET, cause his dates he changing. First it was august, then October, then November, now its after Christmas. I honestly can't take waiting around, but i like the kid a lot. UGH.
Mack Says:
If he doesn't want anything till he gets there, then don't be waiting around for him. Do your thing, keep in touch with him- but don't stop your world until he decides to join it. Do what you want to do, and when he gets there and it works out- date him. As for the time being, don't wait because its clear that he isn't waiting.
Mr. Wrong?:
okay so i have a problem.
i really like this guy and whenever we're together its so amazing but we very rarely hang out and after we do he always acts all weird and doesn't really talk to me. Everyone tells me its just because he's using me but i really don't think he is. I'm not sure if i should confront him about it or not because everytime i do he gets all mad and defensive.
help!
Mack Says:
First off- one of my golden rules!!
*If the people that love you are telling you something about a boy, they are probably right*
I've seen i happen millions of times, Girls get into these relationships and cannot see past their nose. Not to say that you are like this, but if the people that really love you are telling you that he is using you- i would suggest you listen. They have no reason to lie to you. He sounds a bit immature, Its great that you love the time you spend together- but if he is going to act like he is 10 years old afterward and not talk to you and then get defensive when you try to tell him what you're feeling, i would say that he is not a keeper. Find someone who cares about you, respects you and listens to your feelings!
Thanks again for your questions! Keep sending them and i'll answer as much as i can.
XOX
SO PLEASE READ!!
***If you have questions that you would like answered and do not want them posted on my blog, you can direct them to my myspace- but i would prefer questions for my blog only! again, if you do want to ask: send them to -
ask mack.girltalk@yahoo.com or post a comment here**
I'll try to post as much as i can, i'm just really busy lately with the new move, school and two jobs a social life- ETC.
xox
BFFS?:
me and my best best friend have recently gotten into a huge fight, the biggest fight we've had. and at first it was over a boy.
which is really really really stupid i know. and then i looked back at it and i realized that its a lot more than that.
see this guy liked both of us and we both liked him. but she always always gets the guys, and guys barely ever notice me.
and finally one did! and i couldnt have him bwcause she wanted him and she was bragging about how he liked her and that he was going to pick her over me,
so i finally just asked her why he couldnt choose me over her? and she started screaming at me. it was really mean, she called me
a lying bitch and stuff. and i felt really bad like i always do and said sorry and she told me that she hated me. so now im really trying hard to
talk to her and stuff and she just says okay to everything i say. im really sick of it. and then i hungout with the guy, and i felt bad for even talking to him.
and then she hooked up with him 2 days later and i know that she didnt even think about me or how i would feel. but the piont of this
entire thing is is that im really confused on if i should apologize or not? because i really miss her and i want my bestfriend back but im ALWAYS the one to
apologize to her first for stuff i havent even started. but im afriad that if i wait for her to apologize that she never will, because i dont think she misses me :/
what should i do? (sorry for this being sooo long)
Mack Says:
I know where you're coming from- In friendships i feel like i'm the same way most of the time, i think its good though. Some people are very stubborn and i think its great that you can forgive and forget. Your friend seems a little self centered- It really isn't cool that she assumes the guy likes her and then totally disregaurds your feelings by hooking up with him. I think that in the future if you're friends again, you guys need to find a happy medium with the guys you go after. And the whole "the boy likes us both" is a huge sign of immaturity. I think a good way to avoid that would be to meet people through different ways. If you're always around the same people or boys its easier to fall for the same ones, step outside of your comfort zone and make new friends and perhaps love interests. It is great that you're so in tune with your friends feelings and the fact that you're not doing anything to jepordize your friendship like hooking up with the guy you both like. You need to confront her and let her know how you're feeling- make sure the things you say aren't full of "you do this/you do that" make it more of "i feel like this/ it seems like this" because when you point fingers like that, it makes her defensive. You do need to talk to her because i can tell your friendship is important, but as we all learn bestfriendships don't always last forever. Sometimes there isn't much you can do, when you apologize, try to make things right and they just sit there and wait for you to do all the work. its unfair and every healthy relationship has give and take. Talk to her, try to work it out- if she can't step up and say that she is sorry and fix the nasty things she has done, she might not be that great of a friend to keep around.
Food Talk:
So you may find this a bit pointless but I really need some advice. I find myself eating stuff all the time. Like i never get full or anything. I'm not fat but I scared I might get fat. I need to stop but I just don't know how. The weird thing is that when I have had a boyfriend in the past I don't eat nearly as much at all. Some people have said that it may be the fact that I eat becuase I'm depressed or bored but really I've very content with being single.
Mack Says:
I've had this problem as well- as far as eating too much etc. I think a good solution would be to get active! Go to the gym, join a class, run/walk/jog outside- get yourself moving. That is going to help the "boredom". I think as far as your love life goes, its like this- when you're in a relationship you have a lot less free time. I don't think its that you're depressed or unhappy being single. I just think you have too much time on your hands. If you start working out 3-5 days a week, you're going to feel so much better about yourself, look better and then you can eat what you want!
When Suzie met Sally:
okay, so recently i have been having some troubles with friends.
it all started last year, one of my best friends of three years (we'll call her susie :] ) slept with my sisters boyfriend.
so obvisouly, we didnt remain friends.
well about three years ago, i had met this new girl (we'll call her sally :] ) and we started become really close just instantly.
we soon became best friends; we did everything together, we were inseperable.
well, this school year started and sally decided she would start hanging out with susie (yes, sally did know everything that happened between susie and my sister and all that drama)
well ever since sally and susie started hanging out, sally and i dont talk anymore.
and if we do, its really short and sally usually doesnt care.
its really hard because i dont know what to do.
everytime i try to fix things with sally, she just seems to not care.
but then other times she says she wants to fix things; and that we'll always be best friends.
what do you think i should do?
also, i have noticed that your boyfriend is a few years older than you.
well so is mine.
this year he will be graduating, and i just wanted to know...
HOW DO YOU DO IT!?!?!
Mack Says:
If Sally knows all of the drama between you and Suzie: yet she is still hanging around her, she clearly has character judgement issues. I'm sorry that girls sometimes suck so badly.... but the reality of it is, you should let this girl go. Its not fair to you, to have a "best friend" that hangs around with someone you have a serious problem with. Best friends don't do that! And they certainly don't ignore you, say they want to fix it and then never get around to it. She seems self centered which is usually the case with teenage girls, and i can't really say that i see this being mended- unless she doesn't want to hang around Suzie OR if she can have your friendships be seperate and keep your relationship happy and healthy. Tell her how you feel about all of this, ask her why she is choosing to hang around Suzie, and see if you guys can keep your friendship strong and sepereate from Suzie.
As far as my relationship goes, he is 2 years older than me, and one grade older. He moved to Seattle for his first year of college and we just talked a lot, set boundries and made it work. He moved back and i graduated- we've been together ever since. Realtionships are all about trust, and knowing what is okay and what isn't. Communicate with eachother and you won't be dissapointed.
Sad and Confused:
When I was in 8th grade I met this guy who I instantly fell for. I had almost every class with him, and he would always talk to me and make me laugh. I was really shy back then, and plus he made me so nervous because I really liked him! He had a girlfriend though, so I kept my feelings in. Over the summer I didn't forget about him, but I figured I wouldn't see him around very much. Freshman year started and it turned out I had two classes with him. I couldn't believe it. I was so happy, yet so nervous at the same time. We began talking a lot that year, and after awhile we became best friends. My feelings for him grew stronger and stronger every single day. But he didn't feel the same way back. So I tried to just be happy knowing I had him as my best friend. It was better than nothing. During our friendship, he had many girlfriends. He would talk to me about them, and I would always be there to help him out with his girl problems, and whatever. Even though it killed me to hear about the other girls in his life, I was there for him and was the best friend I could be. All of his girlfriends hated me. They didn't want him talking to me, because they were jealous of the close friendship we had. He hurt me so much with other girls. He would tell me that he liked me and wanted to be with me, but then he would go and date someone else. I can't even tell you all the pain he put me through. But even so, I stuck around and was always a friend to him. I eventually told him exactly how I felt, and that I couldn't take feeling hurt all the time. He told me that he liked me, but was too worried about ruining our friendship. I began dating someone else short after. I was with him for 10 months, and the whole time we were dating I kept telling myself that I was over the other guy. We were still best friends, I was just trying to let go of the feelings I had for him. The feelings never went away. My boyfriend and I broke up, and the other guy was there for me. He came over the day it happened and I just cried on his shoulder. To my suprise, he leaned in and kissed me. I had no idea what was going on. I never thought that would ever happen. From that day on, we were more than just friends. We didn't start dating, but we were pretty much "together." He promised me he wouldn't do anything with anyone else, and I promised the same. I was so happy, I couldn't believe after all those years I finally had him. It felt so good. About five months later, I found out he kissed another girl. I was devastated. I told him to come over and I yelled at him and cried and told him that it was either her or me. He couldn't have both. And that if he chose her then I would be out of his life for good because I couldn't take anymore hurt from him. He cried, and apologized over and over. He said it was a mistake and that he felt so guilty after. He said kissing her made him realize how much he cared about me, and only wanted me. He promised not to talk to her anymore, and I gave him a chance. We began dating, and we have been together for a year and a half now. Since we started dating he has made so many changes for me. He completely stopped talking to that girl he kissed, and he is so much more caring and considerate. I can't even explain how many changes and sacrifices he's made for us. I am incredibly happy with our relationship. All of our friends think we are perfect and are so jealous of what we have. We've been through so much together. But the thing is, I'm so insecure with our relationship. Because 1) All the times he hurt me with other girls in the past. 2) He has lied to me before. 3) TONS of girls want him. I can't stand it. I feel like there is no girl in my town that he hasn't dated, liked, flirted with, or that hasn't liked him. and it drives me insane. I always think that maybe he still likes one of them, or that he'd rather have someone else. Even though he doesn't do anything to give me that idea. He doesn't talk to any of his ex's or people he used to flirt with. He does everything he can to make me happy. So I just don't understand why I feel this way. I can't let go of things that happened in the past no matter how hard I try. He gets so frustrated about it, and tells me he only loves me and only wants me. I don't know what to do. How can I get over this feeling? I don't want it to somehow ruin the wonderful relationship we have. Help!
-Sad&Confused
Mack Says:
It is hard for everyone to get over pain as well as being lied to. Trust is something that takes a while to get back- BUT know that if he is as irrestistable as you say :] then he could be with any of those girls, what you need to realize is that he is with YOU, if he didn't want to be with you then he would not be with you. Appreciate what you have, know that he loves you and if he didn't, then he would not waste time with you. Its great because you have a strong friendship as well as a good relationship. Be happy with him, know that you're a beautiful, awesome girl and be confident in yourself. <3
Just Wondering:
i've just always been curious about you and your boyfriends relationship. like how you met, and situations you have gone through. you seem so happy and i would love to know your story!
Mack Says:
Well.... Matty and i started talking online (hahaha how silly) but yeah. on myspace at first, I told some of my friends about this guy that i had a crush on, and it just so happened that one of my good friends knew him through her boyfriend (they went to the same school) So we ended up meeting in June 2005 at a carnival in our town. At this time i was 14 years old (almost 15), and he had just turned 17. When i first saw him i can honestly say that is was love at first sight, i nearly fell over. Now i'll have you know that Matt wasn't about to let me know that he liked me. I was extremely shy, and barely said one word to him. We hung out together with some friends all night and i came out of my shell a little bit. We talked on the phone all the time, and hung out a lot. And strangely enough i kissed him first. We started dating a month after we met (July 1st 2005) and its been going very well ever since. I'm 18 now, he is 20- its been about 3 years and 4 months. We have had some rough spots, some "breaks" but nothing earth shattering and nothing over a day or two. So yeah, thats how it all started!
Jealous!:
So, I have a friend, whom i am very close to, but she is a huge flirt. and she flirts with my boyfriend a lot, even though she has a boyfriend already. This really bothers me because shes GORGEOUS. should i be bothered? he also flirts back. and when i tried to confront my boyfriend about it he just got mad. we've been together for almost a year, too. and there is also another girl who is not gorgeous, but they've hooked up in the past and they still flirt with each other. i just don't know what to do about it, jealousy kills
Mack Says:
Jealousy is really hard, we all deal with it in some form or another. I think you really need to tell your friend what you think, its so not cool of her to be like that with your boyfriend. Chances are, its just her personality and she doesn't even know that she is doing it, I do think that you confronting her will make her realize it and hopefully make it stop. As for your boyfriend, you have every right to let him know how you are feeling, If he has trouble dealing with that, then there might be a bigger issue. Again, with this old hook up, you need to tell him whats going on inside of your head, chances are he is not interested in her. Like i've said before in this blog, If he didn't want to be with you, then he would not be with you- he would be with her! Be confident in yourself, always share how you're feeling with those that you love and that love you. A lot of times, when something is hurting you, they don't always know the role that they play.
Not the Girl Next Door:
i really hope you can help me out because this has been on my mind for MONTHS....my boyfriend and i have been going out for a little under two years and ever since january it's been on and off. he broke up with me so suddenly then and he started hanging out with other girls. one of them was way older than he was and lets just say she was NOT the girl next door type. well during this time i would still talk to him and occasionally see him and he told me he madeout with this girl..but then i saw some of his instant messages with her and her exact words were "i dont want to feel like your sex buddy." i'm worried that he's lying to me and they really had sex and even though he tells me all the time that he swears on everything they only made out it still bugs me. after he moved on from that girl, he started hanging out with two other ones. i would always catch him lying about talking to them or hanging out and it really hurt. one night i went over to his house to surprise him (we were on good terms at that time) and i saw one of the girls cars there and they were in his room all laying on his bed together. this happened awhile ago and now we have been together without any break ups for four months and he tells me all the time that he is done with all of those girls and doesnt want to see or talk to them again. i always end up believing him but the second we get into an argument or something small like that he goes straight to them and talks to them about how he's not happy with me and is afraid of leaving me and being with me at the same time. when i confront him about it all he says is that he didnt mean what he said and he regrets it and he really loves me and wants to be with me. this has happened more than two times and im so confused about what to do. my mom thinks hes not good for me because i always end up coming home crying. i really do love him and i can honestly picture myself with him, but i really just want him to stop talking to those girls like he says he will. what should i do to help make the situation better?
Mack Says:
There isn't anything you can do on his end- HE needs to be the one to fix the mess that he has made. It is unfair to you, that he is always running back and fourth and keeping you on a string. If he isn't doing what he says he will, then he isn't a very trust worthy guy- and i think that trust is one of the most important things to a relationship. Let him know what you want to be done, and if he can't do it- you should reconsider your relationship. Find a guy who treasures you and treats you how you deserve to be treated!
Long distance lovers:
So I dig this kid who is in the us navy. I met him my 10th grade year when i moved here. We talked and then he moved to Seattle. We stopped talking, and we found each other on myspace again. we have been talking since march of this year maybe. I dig him, and he digs me, but he keeps picking these little fights with me. He will always tell me to send him dirty photos and it gets annoying after while. But that is not the point. He always will say i don't want relationship until i get there when i come visit. HE HASN'T VISITED YET, cause his dates he changing. First it was august, then October, then November, now its after Christmas. I honestly can't take waiting around, but i like the kid a lot. UGH.
Mack Says:
If he doesn't want anything till he gets there, then don't be waiting around for him. Do your thing, keep in touch with him- but don't stop your world until he decides to join it. Do what you want to do, and when he gets there and it works out- date him. As for the time being, don't wait because its clear that he isn't waiting.
Mr. Wrong?:
okay so i have a problem.
i really like this guy and whenever we're together its so amazing but we very rarely hang out and after we do he always acts all weird and doesn't really talk to me. Everyone tells me its just because he's using me but i really don't think he is. I'm not sure if i should confront him about it or not because everytime i do he gets all mad and defensive.
help!
Mack Says:
First off- one of my golden rules!!
*If the people that love you are telling you something about a boy, they are probably right*
I've seen i happen millions of times, Girls get into these relationships and cannot see past their nose. Not to say that you are like this, but if the people that really love you are telling you that he is using you- i would suggest you listen. They have no reason to lie to you. He sounds a bit immature, Its great that you love the time you spend together- but if he is going to act like he is 10 years old afterward and not talk to you and then get defensive when you try to tell him what you're feeling, i would say that he is not a keeper. Find someone who cares about you, respects you and listens to your feelings!
Thanks again for your questions! Keep sending them and i'll answer as much as i can.
XOX
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
....
Today my mom left.
I'm feeling really down right now, i can't really explain. I just want to be left alone.
I miss my little sister and my mom
my odie and my best friends. my room, my bed, my street.
the town that i've known forever.
Yeah, i've got to move on.
I'm just sad, and lost and alone.
And extremely overwhelmed.
I'm feeling really down right now, i can't really explain. I just want to be left alone.
I miss my little sister and my mom
my odie and my best friends. my room, my bed, my street.
the town that i've known forever.
Yeah, i've got to move on.
I'm just sad, and lost and alone.
And extremely overwhelmed.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
ANY QUESTIONS
Okay so i love hearing from all of you and helping you out!
but.... i would REALLY APPRECIATE something-
If you have ANY questions
please refrain from sending them via myspace.
It gets really hard to keep track of them so if you could post them in a comment on my blog or email to:
askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com
that would be amazing.
I wont be able to answer question for a few days:
i just moved in to my new place in LA and i'm a little busy.
thanks guys.
Mackenzie
but.... i would REALLY APPRECIATE something-
If you have ANY questions
please refrain from sending them via myspace.
It gets really hard to keep track of them so if you could post them in a comment on my blog or email to:
askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com
that would be amazing.
I wont be able to answer question for a few days:
i just moved in to my new place in LA and i'm a little busy.
thanks guys.
Mackenzie
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
ASK MACK: 5
So i'm packing up my room and it is so strange... i cannot imagine living somewhere else. I've never been the new girl but i have always been the girl who was always instant friends with the new girl. Haha so hopefully i'll get some good karma and have some friends when i move. If you live in the LA area and you're not creepy you should write me on myspace and we can talk :]
Here are some more of your questions answered-Thanks for writing me and trusting me to give you some good advice, i really appreciate it! It also helps me focus on other things besides all of the huge changes i'm going through. I also wanted to say- i get some people not wanting their questions posted on the blog but i just wanted to remind you that A: You will be kept 100% anonymous B: When you let your questions/fears/hopes/dreams/insecurities out, it helps other people- they can relate and you never know who you are helping by asking!! Think of it as a way to reach out to other people, letting them know that they are not alone. :]
Cat & Mouse:
Hello
Ive been dating my guy for over a year. He meets all the qualities i want. Well everyone sees as our relationship and amazing because we seem so happy. And i am happy. But i've been feeling some doubt lately. The first 4 months of our relationship he was chasing me and always wanted to be with me. And now that ive been showing him it back things kinda changed. He wasnt always calling me, doing things for me and trying to spend every second with me. I understand he feels more comfortable around ma and maybe its because he knows he has me now. I dont know. I guess i just want more spice in it. I've talked to him about it before and told him that i feel like maybe he is getting bored with me. I was his first everything. And im afraid he is going to want to see what else is out there. Hes told me he wants to spend his life with me. He is happy with having me and only me and im the only one who understand him inside and out. Is it ok to have doubt and to be afraid that he will leave me?
Mack Says:
I understand what you're saying-but you just need to see that relationships go in stages. You know how when people talk about marriage they talk about the "honeymoon" phase? Relationships are all like that, the beginning is the honeymoon phase- everything is new and exciting and you can't get enough of each other. Its normal for things to calm down a little bit, you can't stay in that phase forever because your relationship grows into something more. Rather than thinking of it as "my relationship is fizzling out" think of it as a new stage, hitting the year marks are always tough. They are exciting but they come with a lot of high expectations, Things aren't as new anymore but i think that can be solved by doing new things together. Break free from the usual routine if you're feeling like you need a little spark. With time comes comfort in what you have, which is good but can also be bad- it becomes bad if you're staying in your relationship simply because you're comfortable. It is good when you know that you really enjoy spending time with your significant other and are comfortable in their company and know a lot about them. Just know that you'll always continue to learn new things about him which i think is exciting in itself. You two just need to sit down and come to an understanding of what you want out of your relationship. Its all about compromise and doing whats best for each other- find things that you've never done and make them happen. You can't expect things to be the same as they were in the first few months but you can expect things to still be new and exciting as long as you're choosing to do things that you don't do everyday.
College questions:
i just graduated college, its was a trade school and i havent found my job for my profession just yet, but i am really debating on if working in this field is what i want to do. My mom forced me into it and I just feel confused. I feel bad for having my parents pay the 12 grand to get my a college education but i dont know if its what i want to do. How would you handle the situation?
Mack Says:
You should not feel bad, you need to let your parents know how you're feeling and if you're not interested in the field you originally picked (or were forced into) you need to change it!! This is YOUR life, and YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY! I understand that moms have a huugeee impact on how we think and feel as well as the choices we make- but i know that you're mom wants you to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Think of what you did as a learning experience, perhaps not what you wanted to do though; so i'd say to look into other college options. You're still young and its never too late to learn- find schools that you like and take some general classes, eventually you will come across what interests you. If your parents are not willing to help further your education just know that student loans are always an option. My mom tells me ALL THE TIME that student loans are the "cheapest money you can get" meaning that you don't start paying them back till after you graduate, they are also very cheap to pay back ($150 per month) Lots of people take out student loans and you'll never get another loan for that cheap, so if money is an issue, its not anymore! The simple fact is: this is your life, you're picking something that you're going to be doing for the rest of your life and you might as well LOVE what you're doing. You are in control of you're own destiny, not your mom and not your wallet. make it happen!!
The used:
ive been talking to this guy for almost 2 months now and before i started talking to him (2 weeks )he had broken up with his ex gf of almost 2 years but were talking now and in the begining things were great we started getting to know each other and weeks went by and we acted like a couple and everything well one night his ex surprisingly showed up to his house just because she wanted to see him but wtv he actually told me that she went but it was still strange to me after that things went downhill wed hangout and all he would do is text text text and completely ignore me so i got tired of it and talked to him and i asked him if he was gonna get back together with his ex he asked me why and i told him bcuz uve been completely ignoring me and all u do is text he tells me that they are talking but just as friends and he doesnt see them going out again but i really dont belive that ... i asked him if i was wasting my time with him bcuz if i was i couldve just left and deleted his number and he said noo blah blah ur not .. well currently were still talking but ever since we started talking all hes ever asked from me were favors could u do this for me or take me here and im just to nice to say no so me being the idiot does it but now its gotten to the point were he doesnt kiss or hug me just gives me a kiss on the cheek ... but i still stick around and i dont know why.. well i do know i like him alot more than he does me but im just sick of being used i rleally dont know what to do or think
on top of that im so unhappy with my appearance more my weight and like just thoe extra pounds of me losing would make me so happy but lately i havent been motivated enough and im just so stressed .. its kinda nice to just express how i feel that would be a nice thing to do every once in awhile
Mack Says:
I think you need to steer clear of this guy. He just got out of a really seious relationship and its obvious that he isn't over her. When people are together for that long, its a lot harder just to bounce back. I think that you would be much happier not having some guy use you as the rebound girl. Its really lame that he is asking all of these things of you and not even giving you a good friendship in return. I know that you like him, but you're going to hurt yourself even more if you stick around. He needs time to get over his ex- they clearly have a lot to work out. Perhaps there is a possible friendship and maybe later it will turn into something more, just don't expect a romantic relationship out of him at this stage. In order for him to be good for you, he needs to be good for himself. I mean that in the sense that he needs to heal and move on before he can be with anyone else. You deserve to be with someone who is 100% for you no 45%. You say that you're unhappy with apperance which is understandable- all girls feel this way! I feel like this all the time, as far as the extra weight goes all you can do is be healthy. Eat good foods, don't eat when you're not hungry, try to get some exercize. Once you start, you'll feel better and you'll want to keep doing it! It is also a good idea to get your feelings out, trust me i am the queen of holding in my feelings... and it SUCKS. I let things build and build until i explode, so talking from personal experience- letting things out as they come, is the best idea. It will lower your stress level and make you all around happier.
Shady lady:
my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half off and on, and two months ago she had sex with this guy she knew when she was younger and living in Spain, she told me she had a big crush on him and when she left, I dont think she ever really got over the crush.. Well first she lied to me saying she was with a friend when she ended up going on a date with him, so the next day she told me the truth and I was upset and told her to break up with me, she was upset and she did. Four days after we broke up, I went out with a girl to the movies, it wasn't a date but that was the day of her birthday and after I ended up texting her saying Happy Birthday she responded back saying I thought you where someone important so I told her I was on a date. So that night of her birthday she was drinking and ended up hooking up with this guy, making out and doing god knows what. Well the next day we talked and she upsetted me and after our fight she calls the boy and ends up sleeping with him. After that, I as devastated and hurt and I stuck by her when she cried for him, when she didn't want me anymore or loved me and wanted him. When he didn't want her and all she could do was want him, but when he finally wanted her, she didn't want him.. And she only talked to me, said she cared about me or loved me because she wanted to get over the other boy, until she finally feel for me again. I still think she may have feelings for him and shes only talking to me and probably using me because i still stuck by her side. But all her friends and family say they are destined to be together and I feel like its not gonna happen that way with her and I.To this day I can't get over the fact she had sex with him and it's been tearing us apart. She's been telling me to get over it or get gone. I love this girl alot but I can't get over the fact she had sex with him and to this day it still bothers me. Am I wrong for being upset when this happened when we weren't together or is it ok for me to still be upset? its been driving me crazy and lately ive been thinking its best if i just end it with her right here and right now because im never going to get over it, she really hurt me and she knew what she was doing and for a while she wanted him not me. should i get over it? should i just leave her alone or what should I do?
Mack Says:
There is obviously a lot of betrayal and a huge lack of trust here- which i think is bad news. Relationships are built on a foundation of solid trust. If you can't trust her, there isn't a foundation for your relationship. It seems to me that she is a little self centered. I understand that you really care about her and i think that you want to trust her again, its just a really hard thing to build back. Everyone makes mistakes, and at some point you'll have to let it go. You two just really need to set down some serious boundries, If you don't want her talking to this guy she had sex with in order for your relationship to work- i think thats a fair thing to ask. Tell her what you need from her in order to trust her again, if she can't deleiver then i would say it might be time to move on. She needs to recognize that she messed things up and that it isn't only your job to just "move on". Its going to take a lot from both sides to make it work and she is going to have to compromise. Talk it out, tell her what you need and if things don't change- she might not be the girl for you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to also have a loving trusting relationship: not an emotional rollercoaster, where you don't even know if your girlfriend even wants to be with you. You need to rebuild your trust in order to start rebuilding your relationship- it will take time, effort and cooperation from both sides. Its hard but not impossible.
Child bride?:
okay, so i'm 18. and i've been with the guy of my dreams for almost 10 months now. he's incredible. enough said. he never ever EVER fails to put a smile on my face. he knows everything about me, and vice versa. and he totally respects my morals too, like how i don't want to have sex. i told him i wasn't ready, and i don't think that i would be for a really long time, and he said that he didn't want our relationship to revolve around that, so he's totally cool with it! we have awesome times together, and i just love being with him all the time. only problem is, he's a year younger than me. i'm a senior and he's a junior. i'm going off to college next fall, and i'll be three hours away from him.
and tonight, he asked me to marry him.
sounds cool, right? but i'm starting to have doubts. we both think we're too young. he said we should probably wait a couple years or until we're able to support each other. but he still wants to marry me. he's so sure of it. well, i told him i needed time to think, but not to worry. see, the thing is, i don't know if we could LAST that long to be able to marry each other. it just seems like such a long time away, and i'm scared that something would happen and we'd break up. and i'm also scared that it's just my crazy adolescent mind that's telling me "i've been with him for so long. i want to marry him," like a lot of other girls my age do. i want to be sure of myself, but i'm worried that a couple years down the road, i won't feel the same.
i DO want to marry him. but i don't know if it's the right thing to say 'yes' yet.
what do you think i should do?
Mack Says:
First off i'd like to say if you think that you wont last long enough to marry later OR that your feelings may change down the road- you've answered your own question. The fact that you're 3 hours away isn't going to change just because you're married. If anything it will make things harder, what if you decide that you want to break up- you'll have to go through a divorce. Marrige isn't some bond that will hold tighter than a relationship, its a decision you make when you're ready to take the next step. In my opinion, you're WAY too young to get married and he is still a little kid in hich school. 3 hours isn't that bad, its possible to visit, talk on the phone/text/talk online. Just make it work. I've told other people this before, my boyfriend and i lived 500 miles away from eachother for a year and still made it work. Like i've said, relationships are all about trust! Set boundries; what you're comfortable with and what you're uncomfortable with and agree to stick with those things. Call eachother, visit as much as you can. If you're meant to be, then things will work out. I think that you'll seriously regret getting married, plus you've only been together 10 months- that isn't enough time to fully know a person or to make a choice to spend your life with him. I don't doubt that you really love him but i would certainly say no to marriage. That is something that will come with time and isn't something to be thrown around or rushed. Getting married wont keep you together or keep your feelings the same any more than a "boyfriend girlfriend" relationship will. I know that you can make it work, even from three hours away- its all a matter of how you handle it.
Moving on:
oh boy so this is a little bit of a long story but im hoping you can help...
I have known this boy for like two years, and starting last march we were talking everyday ALL day through txt. i learned so much about him its crazy. we started hanging out, and of course all the feelings followed. We then began to be official, and we spent all summer together, i enjoyed every moment, and learned so much, i have a new look on life, he helped open my eyes. anyways so come august time he decided that we needed to be done due to the fact that he is leaving for 6 months up to a year or most likely longer. it was so hard to hear even tho i know he was right in ending it now. he told me that if he stayed with me he wouldnt leave and wouldnt want to go, and if he did leave he would spend his times missing me and he didnt want that, he has been planning this trip for a long long time, one of his dreams and something he feels he has to do. who am i to interfer? Its just really really really hard. and he also told me that he wants me and that he fell for me but isnt going to pursue what he wants and that he thinks its best before he falls in love. its so frustrating.so i finally told him i couldnt talk anymore because it was too hard for me, and he flipped out on me.ugh. anyways the point to this story is to ask you how i can get over this and move on?? not to mention his very best friend whom is my best friend has finally come out with how he feels for me, and that he is crazy for me. great. im not sure whether to risk our friendship to see where it could go, especially when im not over his best friend. what should i do? and one last thing the best friends roommate who is also my ex's best friend too has been talking to me everyday and getting to know me. i kinda like getting to know him as well, bad idea huh? since he is both the two guys best friend and roommate. oh boy what a mess. maybe it could officially help me move on...
Mack Says:
I think its awesome that you're supportive of his dreams. He needs to do what he needs to do and i think that if you two are destined to be together, then it will eventually work out. If not, just take it as a great learning experience, you said yourself that you have a new outlook on life which in itself is a great thing.As far as dating his friends go, I would talk to him about it, or be sure they do. You don't ever want to ruin friendships and that includes yours with your ex- you never know how he will react to this if you don't confront him first. I also think that its a good idea to emotionally and mentally move on before you date anyone else, just be sure you're ready for someone else before you take that step.
Body Talk: Xs 2
1) i really want to lose weight, and i don't know how. it's so hard! i want to know how you stay thin and what you think the best way to lose weight is? i don't have a gym memership and i can't afford one so that doesn't work. i want to lose like 10-15 pounds fast. I hate my arms and i just need your advice and help.
2) Where do you buy your clothes? & how do you stay so skinny?
Mack Says:
1) Losing weight is hard! It takes dedication and a lot of effort. I can't say that i'm very good at doing all these things; but i do know what you need to do to acheive your weight goals. FIRST OFF- there is a lot of pressure on girls to stay thin, i totally get it; just know that there are healthy ways to get where you want to be. Lots of girls resort to unhealthy methods and let me tell you, its a bad idea. Eating disorders are just a path to destrustion They screw up your metabolism and they can lead to death if they get extreme. I would say if you want to loose some weight- there isn't really an easy way to do it. You just have to make a plan and stick with it. Eat healthy foods, avoid snacking on things when you're not hungry, cut things like soda and candy from your diet.... and.... WORKOUT! Sucks- i know. I hate it too, but even if you can't afford a gym there is always the great outdoors. Run, power walk, sprint, jog, jumprope, jump on a trampoline, crunches in your room, leg lifts, push ups etc. there are so many work outs that you can do in the comfort of your own home. If you need some motivation work out tapes are also a good choice. They are cheap and they help you find exercises to do. Also getting a set of light weights and doing basic arm lifts will tone them right up! Just have determination and know that you can do it.
2) I shop pretty much anywhere i find something cute :] but i love urban outfitters, forever 21 and sometimes american apparel. I also love little boutiques where they have unique items, ross, tj max, and places like nordstrom rack are also great and pretty cheap. As far as my body goes, i'd say i'm naturally thin and got lucky with a quick metabolism. I think what all girls need to know is that every BODY is different, i would say what i said to question 1 is good for you as well if you're looking to loose some weight and stay healthy.
-It seems like most girls have an unrealistic image of how they actually look. Just remember that staying healthy and loving yourself for who you are INSIDE AND OUT is the most important thing you can do. Not everyone is meant to be a size 00 and thats OKAY. Do healthy things, and you'll feel so much better about yourself. You don't want to end up like this:
YUCK!
Here are some more of your questions answered-Thanks for writing me and trusting me to give you some good advice, i really appreciate it! It also helps me focus on other things besides all of the huge changes i'm going through. I also wanted to say- i get some people not wanting their questions posted on the blog but i just wanted to remind you that A: You will be kept 100% anonymous B: When you let your questions/fears/hopes/dreams/insecurities out, it helps other people- they can relate and you never know who you are helping by asking!! Think of it as a way to reach out to other people, letting them know that they are not alone. :]
Cat & Mouse:
Hello
Ive been dating my guy for over a year. He meets all the qualities i want. Well everyone sees as our relationship and amazing because we seem so happy. And i am happy. But i've been feeling some doubt lately. The first 4 months of our relationship he was chasing me and always wanted to be with me. And now that ive been showing him it back things kinda changed. He wasnt always calling me, doing things for me and trying to spend every second with me. I understand he feels more comfortable around ma and maybe its because he knows he has me now. I dont know. I guess i just want more spice in it. I've talked to him about it before and told him that i feel like maybe he is getting bored with me. I was his first everything. And im afraid he is going to want to see what else is out there. Hes told me he wants to spend his life with me. He is happy with having me and only me and im the only one who understand him inside and out. Is it ok to have doubt and to be afraid that he will leave me?
Mack Says:
I understand what you're saying-but you just need to see that relationships go in stages. You know how when people talk about marriage they talk about the "honeymoon" phase? Relationships are all like that, the beginning is the honeymoon phase- everything is new and exciting and you can't get enough of each other. Its normal for things to calm down a little bit, you can't stay in that phase forever because your relationship grows into something more. Rather than thinking of it as "my relationship is fizzling out" think of it as a new stage, hitting the year marks are always tough. They are exciting but they come with a lot of high expectations, Things aren't as new anymore but i think that can be solved by doing new things together. Break free from the usual routine if you're feeling like you need a little spark. With time comes comfort in what you have, which is good but can also be bad- it becomes bad if you're staying in your relationship simply because you're comfortable. It is good when you know that you really enjoy spending time with your significant other and are comfortable in their company and know a lot about them. Just know that you'll always continue to learn new things about him which i think is exciting in itself. You two just need to sit down and come to an understanding of what you want out of your relationship. Its all about compromise and doing whats best for each other- find things that you've never done and make them happen. You can't expect things to be the same as they were in the first few months but you can expect things to still be new and exciting as long as you're choosing to do things that you don't do everyday.
College questions:
i just graduated college, its was a trade school and i havent found my job for my profession just yet, but i am really debating on if working in this field is what i want to do. My mom forced me into it and I just feel confused. I feel bad for having my parents pay the 12 grand to get my a college education but i dont know if its what i want to do. How would you handle the situation?
Mack Says:
You should not feel bad, you need to let your parents know how you're feeling and if you're not interested in the field you originally picked (or were forced into) you need to change it!! This is YOUR life, and YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY! I understand that moms have a huugeee impact on how we think and feel as well as the choices we make- but i know that you're mom wants you to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Think of what you did as a learning experience, perhaps not what you wanted to do though; so i'd say to look into other college options. You're still young and its never too late to learn- find schools that you like and take some general classes, eventually you will come across what interests you. If your parents are not willing to help further your education just know that student loans are always an option. My mom tells me ALL THE TIME that student loans are the "cheapest money you can get" meaning that you don't start paying them back till after you graduate, they are also very cheap to pay back ($150 per month) Lots of people take out student loans and you'll never get another loan for that cheap, so if money is an issue, its not anymore! The simple fact is: this is your life, you're picking something that you're going to be doing for the rest of your life and you might as well LOVE what you're doing. You are in control of you're own destiny, not your mom and not your wallet. make it happen!!
The used:
ive been talking to this guy for almost 2 months now and before i started talking to him (2 weeks )he had broken up with his ex gf of almost 2 years but were talking now and in the begining things were great we started getting to know each other and weeks went by and we acted like a couple and everything well one night his ex surprisingly showed up to his house just because she wanted to see him but wtv he actually told me that she went but it was still strange to me after that things went downhill wed hangout and all he would do is text text text and completely ignore me so i got tired of it and talked to him and i asked him if he was gonna get back together with his ex he asked me why and i told him bcuz uve been completely ignoring me and all u do is text he tells me that they are talking but just as friends and he doesnt see them going out again but i really dont belive that ... i asked him if i was wasting my time with him bcuz if i was i couldve just left and deleted his number and he said noo blah blah ur not .. well currently were still talking but ever since we started talking all hes ever asked from me were favors could u do this for me or take me here and im just to nice to say no so me being the idiot does it but now its gotten to the point were he doesnt kiss or hug me just gives me a kiss on the cheek ... but i still stick around and i dont know why.. well i do know i like him alot more than he does me but im just sick of being used i rleally dont know what to do or think
on top of that im so unhappy with my appearance more my weight and like just thoe extra pounds of me losing would make me so happy but lately i havent been motivated enough and im just so stressed .. its kinda nice to just express how i feel that would be a nice thing to do every once in awhile
Mack Says:
I think you need to steer clear of this guy. He just got out of a really seious relationship and its obvious that he isn't over her. When people are together for that long, its a lot harder just to bounce back. I think that you would be much happier not having some guy use you as the rebound girl. Its really lame that he is asking all of these things of you and not even giving you a good friendship in return. I know that you like him, but you're going to hurt yourself even more if you stick around. He needs time to get over his ex- they clearly have a lot to work out. Perhaps there is a possible friendship and maybe later it will turn into something more, just don't expect a romantic relationship out of him at this stage. In order for him to be good for you, he needs to be good for himself. I mean that in the sense that he needs to heal and move on before he can be with anyone else. You deserve to be with someone who is 100% for you no 45%. You say that you're unhappy with apperance which is understandable- all girls feel this way! I feel like this all the time, as far as the extra weight goes all you can do is be healthy. Eat good foods, don't eat when you're not hungry, try to get some exercize. Once you start, you'll feel better and you'll want to keep doing it! It is also a good idea to get your feelings out, trust me i am the queen of holding in my feelings... and it SUCKS. I let things build and build until i explode, so talking from personal experience- letting things out as they come, is the best idea. It will lower your stress level and make you all around happier.
Shady lady:
my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half off and on, and two months ago she had sex with this guy she knew when she was younger and living in Spain, she told me she had a big crush on him and when she left, I dont think she ever really got over the crush.. Well first she lied to me saying she was with a friend when she ended up going on a date with him, so the next day she told me the truth and I was upset and told her to break up with me, she was upset and she did. Four days after we broke up, I went out with a girl to the movies, it wasn't a date but that was the day of her birthday and after I ended up texting her saying Happy Birthday she responded back saying I thought you where someone important so I told her I was on a date. So that night of her birthday she was drinking and ended up hooking up with this guy, making out and doing god knows what. Well the next day we talked and she upsetted me and after our fight she calls the boy and ends up sleeping with him. After that, I as devastated and hurt and I stuck by her when she cried for him, when she didn't want me anymore or loved me and wanted him. When he didn't want her and all she could do was want him, but when he finally wanted her, she didn't want him.. And she only talked to me, said she cared about me or loved me because she wanted to get over the other boy, until she finally feel for me again. I still think she may have feelings for him and shes only talking to me and probably using me because i still stuck by her side. But all her friends and family say they are destined to be together and I feel like its not gonna happen that way with her and I.To this day I can't get over the fact she had sex with him and it's been tearing us apart. She's been telling me to get over it or get gone. I love this girl alot but I can't get over the fact she had sex with him and to this day it still bothers me. Am I wrong for being upset when this happened when we weren't together or is it ok for me to still be upset? its been driving me crazy and lately ive been thinking its best if i just end it with her right here and right now because im never going to get over it, she really hurt me and she knew what she was doing and for a while she wanted him not me. should i get over it? should i just leave her alone or what should I do?
Mack Says:
There is obviously a lot of betrayal and a huge lack of trust here- which i think is bad news. Relationships are built on a foundation of solid trust. If you can't trust her, there isn't a foundation for your relationship. It seems to me that she is a little self centered. I understand that you really care about her and i think that you want to trust her again, its just a really hard thing to build back. Everyone makes mistakes, and at some point you'll have to let it go. You two just really need to set down some serious boundries, If you don't want her talking to this guy she had sex with in order for your relationship to work- i think thats a fair thing to ask. Tell her what you need from her in order to trust her again, if she can't deleiver then i would say it might be time to move on. She needs to recognize that she messed things up and that it isn't only your job to just "move on". Its going to take a lot from both sides to make it work and she is going to have to compromise. Talk it out, tell her what you need and if things don't change- she might not be the girl for you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to also have a loving trusting relationship: not an emotional rollercoaster, where you don't even know if your girlfriend even wants to be with you. You need to rebuild your trust in order to start rebuilding your relationship- it will take time, effort and cooperation from both sides. Its hard but not impossible.
Child bride?:
okay, so i'm 18. and i've been with the guy of my dreams for almost 10 months now. he's incredible. enough said. he never ever EVER fails to put a smile on my face. he knows everything about me, and vice versa. and he totally respects my morals too, like how i don't want to have sex. i told him i wasn't ready, and i don't think that i would be for a really long time, and he said that he didn't want our relationship to revolve around that, so he's totally cool with it! we have awesome times together, and i just love being with him all the time. only problem is, he's a year younger than me. i'm a senior and he's a junior. i'm going off to college next fall, and i'll be three hours away from him.
and tonight, he asked me to marry him.
sounds cool, right? but i'm starting to have doubts. we both think we're too young. he said we should probably wait a couple years or until we're able to support each other. but he still wants to marry me. he's so sure of it. well, i told him i needed time to think, but not to worry. see, the thing is, i don't know if we could LAST that long to be able to marry each other. it just seems like such a long time away, and i'm scared that something would happen and we'd break up. and i'm also scared that it's just my crazy adolescent mind that's telling me "i've been with him for so long. i want to marry him," like a lot of other girls my age do. i want to be sure of myself, but i'm worried that a couple years down the road, i won't feel the same.
i DO want to marry him. but i don't know if it's the right thing to say 'yes' yet.
what do you think i should do?
Mack Says:
First off i'd like to say if you think that you wont last long enough to marry later OR that your feelings may change down the road- you've answered your own question. The fact that you're 3 hours away isn't going to change just because you're married. If anything it will make things harder, what if you decide that you want to break up- you'll have to go through a divorce. Marrige isn't some bond that will hold tighter than a relationship, its a decision you make when you're ready to take the next step. In my opinion, you're WAY too young to get married and he is still a little kid in hich school. 3 hours isn't that bad, its possible to visit, talk on the phone/text/talk online. Just make it work. I've told other people this before, my boyfriend and i lived 500 miles away from eachother for a year and still made it work. Like i've said, relationships are all about trust! Set boundries; what you're comfortable with and what you're uncomfortable with and agree to stick with those things. Call eachother, visit as much as you can. If you're meant to be, then things will work out. I think that you'll seriously regret getting married, plus you've only been together 10 months- that isn't enough time to fully know a person or to make a choice to spend your life with him. I don't doubt that you really love him but i would certainly say no to marriage. That is something that will come with time and isn't something to be thrown around or rushed. Getting married wont keep you together or keep your feelings the same any more than a "boyfriend girlfriend" relationship will. I know that you can make it work, even from three hours away- its all a matter of how you handle it.
Moving on:
oh boy so this is a little bit of a long story but im hoping you can help...
I have known this boy for like two years, and starting last march we were talking everyday ALL day through txt. i learned so much about him its crazy. we started hanging out, and of course all the feelings followed. We then began to be official, and we spent all summer together, i enjoyed every moment, and learned so much, i have a new look on life, he helped open my eyes. anyways so come august time he decided that we needed to be done due to the fact that he is leaving for 6 months up to a year or most likely longer. it was so hard to hear even tho i know he was right in ending it now. he told me that if he stayed with me he wouldnt leave and wouldnt want to go, and if he did leave he would spend his times missing me and he didnt want that, he has been planning this trip for a long long time, one of his dreams and something he feels he has to do. who am i to interfer? Its just really really really hard. and he also told me that he wants me and that he fell for me but isnt going to pursue what he wants and that he thinks its best before he falls in love. its so frustrating.so i finally told him i couldnt talk anymore because it was too hard for me, and he flipped out on me.ugh. anyways the point to this story is to ask you how i can get over this and move on?? not to mention his very best friend whom is my best friend has finally come out with how he feels for me, and that he is crazy for me. great. im not sure whether to risk our friendship to see where it could go, especially when im not over his best friend. what should i do? and one last thing the best friends roommate who is also my ex's best friend too has been talking to me everyday and getting to know me. i kinda like getting to know him as well, bad idea huh? since he is both the two guys best friend and roommate. oh boy what a mess. maybe it could officially help me move on...
Mack Says:
I think its awesome that you're supportive of his dreams. He needs to do what he needs to do and i think that if you two are destined to be together, then it will eventually work out. If not, just take it as a great learning experience, you said yourself that you have a new outlook on life which in itself is a great thing.As far as dating his friends go, I would talk to him about it, or be sure they do. You don't ever want to ruin friendships and that includes yours with your ex- you never know how he will react to this if you don't confront him first. I also think that its a good idea to emotionally and mentally move on before you date anyone else, just be sure you're ready for someone else before you take that step.
Body Talk: Xs 2
1) i really want to lose weight, and i don't know how. it's so hard! i want to know how you stay thin and what you think the best way to lose weight is? i don't have a gym memership and i can't afford one so that doesn't work. i want to lose like 10-15 pounds fast. I hate my arms and i just need your advice and help.
2) Where do you buy your clothes? & how do you stay so skinny?
Mack Says:
1) Losing weight is hard! It takes dedication and a lot of effort. I can't say that i'm very good at doing all these things; but i do know what you need to do to acheive your weight goals. FIRST OFF- there is a lot of pressure on girls to stay thin, i totally get it; just know that there are healthy ways to get where you want to be. Lots of girls resort to unhealthy methods and let me tell you, its a bad idea. Eating disorders are just a path to destrustion They screw up your metabolism and they can lead to death if they get extreme. I would say if you want to loose some weight- there isn't really an easy way to do it. You just have to make a plan and stick with it. Eat healthy foods, avoid snacking on things when you're not hungry, cut things like soda and candy from your diet.... and.... WORKOUT! Sucks- i know. I hate it too, but even if you can't afford a gym there is always the great outdoors. Run, power walk, sprint, jog, jumprope, jump on a trampoline, crunches in your room, leg lifts, push ups etc. there are so many work outs that you can do in the comfort of your own home. If you need some motivation work out tapes are also a good choice. They are cheap and they help you find exercises to do. Also getting a set of light weights and doing basic arm lifts will tone them right up! Just have determination and know that you can do it.
2) I shop pretty much anywhere i find something cute :] but i love urban outfitters, forever 21 and sometimes american apparel. I also love little boutiques where they have unique items, ross, tj max, and places like nordstrom rack are also great and pretty cheap. As far as my body goes, i'd say i'm naturally thin and got lucky with a quick metabolism. I think what all girls need to know is that every BODY is different, i would say what i said to question 1 is good for you as well if you're looking to loose some weight and stay healthy.
-It seems like most girls have an unrealistic image of how they actually look. Just remember that staying healthy and loving yourself for who you are INSIDE AND OUT is the most important thing you can do. Not everyone is meant to be a size 00 and thats OKAY. Do healthy things, and you'll feel so much better about yourself. You don't want to end up like this:
YUCK!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Ask Mack: 4
Hey guys- I'm moving to LA in a few days so i might not have as much time in the next few weeks but i'll do my best to keep posting. Thanks again for all of your questions!
xox
Pushin' the love:
my boyfriend just left for college at the end of august and we've been together for almost ten months. im a senior in highschool and it's coming to that time where i need to apply to college. i want to be with him but i don't know if that would be too soon. his school is great and theres deffinatly something for me there but i dont know if that would be "pushing it" help?
Mack Says:
I think that this particular situation is different for every couple- the best thing that you can do is talk to your boyfriend, if that feels too serious then its clearly too much to follow him to college.. If you can seriously see yourself with him in 10 years, then maybe being near him would be a good idea; but really it depends on your relationship. I don't think that giving up your own goals for a guy is a good idea, but if going there is something that would make you happy with or without him it could be great. Think about yourself here, is this college a decision for you or for him. If its for you i say go for it if its soley based on him i would say you should reconsider.
Long distance lovers:
hey, this is kinda weird doing this because i never do this kinda thing but i totally have no idea what im supposed to do, so i figure asking someone who has no idea who i am will maybe help me out a little. anyways, my friend introduced me to this guy about two months ago and im pretty sure that i fell in love with him at first sight.. we started talking and hanging out, and everything was perfectly fine. he told me he was leaving for college soon, which was two hours away.. and im a senior in high school, so i was kinda worried but he made it clear to me he really liked me and that'd we continue to talk.. he was supposed to come home labor day weekend and he never called to tell me he wasnt comming, and he never called to say he was home.. and he ended up not comming home at all. i was beggining to get frustrated because he never called me anymore although i tried not to let it show because he was busy with school, and his friends and hes big on working out. well, we started to fight and one day he flipped out on me and he hasnt called since.. ive called him multiple times, left voicemails and tried to text him my feelings but ive gotten no response for two weeks. im worried i just totally let this kid take advantage of me, i dont know what to do to get over him.. and im just all around hurt. hes supposed to come home october 18th and i wish i could somehow talk to him but i dont know what to do. help ?
Mack Says:
I think you've done about all that you can do- you've called and texted telling him your feelings. Sometimes there are just relationships that just don't work. Breaking up or feeling hurt is always very difficult, but in all reality time makes everthing better. He is obviously a little bit insensitive for just blowing you off like that- but also understand that hes a freshman in college and he is experiencing new things. Its very hard for even long term serious couples to deal with long distance relatuonships and first years in college. I'm sure that when he met you he had every intention of keeping in touch, but then he realized that there wasn't much that could happen from two hours away when nothing had seriously been estabished to begin with. Moving on would be the best thing for you to start doing, you deserve a guy that can fulfill everything you need, not a long distance phone relationship. Just appreciate it for what it was and realize that it most likely wont be mended, you can't fix something that wasn't really there to begin with
Hair Talk:
hey mackenzie i have some questions i hope you will answer them.
so i hate getting my hair cut cuz they always mess up my bangs. so how do you cut your bangs? or do you make them look like that with a straightener cuz i don't want them cut just straight down my face at an angle i want the like yours how they go around your eyebrow if that makes sence? do you get them cut at like a certain salon?
also i get split ends alot and your hair looks amazing what do you do to keep it looking healthy?
thank you so much(:
Mack Says:
I always cut my bangs myself, i just use regular scissors and cut them in my bathroom haha. In my case i use my right hand and my bangs go from short to long from right to left therefore its easy to cut them- i don't really know how easy it would be if you're the opposite but if you want to try just remember to start out longer because you can always cut more off!! Just cut a little more off the closer to your forehead and get longer as your bangs get closer to your ears, I also try to texture them a little by cutting some of the longer pieces on top a little shorter; not too think though (if you're afraid to do this, maybe hold back because its not a must) I just use regular grocery store shampoo and conditioner; i wash and dry and straighten every day and use some hairspray to add some volume. :]
A little life experience:
I am about to turn 18 in december, and up until now have not once had a job. I was so excited for the summer that i kind of just blew off job interviews, i got a few applications but failed to fill any of them out. Lately my mother has been having problems paying our rent or any of the bills on time. We want to move to the downtown area of Boise but have little money. I want to help her by getting a job. I think my nerves do get the best of me whenever i think about working. Im scared ill do a horrible job, or that i will have no idea what im doing. can you please help me?
Mack Says:
Jobs are all about learning! Don't be scared of messing up- they hire you so that they can teach you, don't ever be scared to ask questions if you're confused. You build experience by trying new things, you just need to apply lots of places and be confident about it. Be likable and be ready to learn quickly- if you really have zero experience just know that some of the higher end places not be ready to hire you yet. Don't be too picky about your first job, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up, thats just how life works! Apply everywhere possible if you're serious about making some money and helping your mom, keeping a steady job is also a good idea. Employers like to see that you can actually keep a job as well as having one. My advice: go out and apply, don't be scared we all have to start somewhere, don't be picky!!
xox
Pushin' the love:
my boyfriend just left for college at the end of august and we've been together for almost ten months. im a senior in highschool and it's coming to that time where i need to apply to college. i want to be with him but i don't know if that would be too soon. his school is great and theres deffinatly something for me there but i dont know if that would be "pushing it" help?
Mack Says:
I think that this particular situation is different for every couple- the best thing that you can do is talk to your boyfriend, if that feels too serious then its clearly too much to follow him to college.. If you can seriously see yourself with him in 10 years, then maybe being near him would be a good idea; but really it depends on your relationship. I don't think that giving up your own goals for a guy is a good idea, but if going there is something that would make you happy with or without him it could be great. Think about yourself here, is this college a decision for you or for him. If its for you i say go for it if its soley based on him i would say you should reconsider.
Long distance lovers:
hey, this is kinda weird doing this because i never do this kinda thing but i totally have no idea what im supposed to do, so i figure asking someone who has no idea who i am will maybe help me out a little. anyways, my friend introduced me to this guy about two months ago and im pretty sure that i fell in love with him at first sight.. we started talking and hanging out, and everything was perfectly fine. he told me he was leaving for college soon, which was two hours away.. and im a senior in high school, so i was kinda worried but he made it clear to me he really liked me and that'd we continue to talk.. he was supposed to come home labor day weekend and he never called to tell me he wasnt comming, and he never called to say he was home.. and he ended up not comming home at all. i was beggining to get frustrated because he never called me anymore although i tried not to let it show because he was busy with school, and his friends and hes big on working out. well, we started to fight and one day he flipped out on me and he hasnt called since.. ive called him multiple times, left voicemails and tried to text him my feelings but ive gotten no response for two weeks. im worried i just totally let this kid take advantage of me, i dont know what to do to get over him.. and im just all around hurt. hes supposed to come home october 18th and i wish i could somehow talk to him but i dont know what to do. help ?
Mack Says:
I think you've done about all that you can do- you've called and texted telling him your feelings. Sometimes there are just relationships that just don't work. Breaking up or feeling hurt is always very difficult, but in all reality time makes everthing better. He is obviously a little bit insensitive for just blowing you off like that- but also understand that hes a freshman in college and he is experiencing new things. Its very hard for even long term serious couples to deal with long distance relatuonships and first years in college. I'm sure that when he met you he had every intention of keeping in touch, but then he realized that there wasn't much that could happen from two hours away when nothing had seriously been estabished to begin with. Moving on would be the best thing for you to start doing, you deserve a guy that can fulfill everything you need, not a long distance phone relationship. Just appreciate it for what it was and realize that it most likely wont be mended, you can't fix something that wasn't really there to begin with
Hair Talk:
hey mackenzie i have some questions i hope you will answer them.
so i hate getting my hair cut cuz they always mess up my bangs. so how do you cut your bangs? or do you make them look like that with a straightener cuz i don't want them cut just straight down my face at an angle i want the like yours how they go around your eyebrow if that makes sence? do you get them cut at like a certain salon?
also i get split ends alot and your hair looks amazing what do you do to keep it looking healthy?
thank you so much(:
Mack Says:
I always cut my bangs myself, i just use regular scissors and cut them in my bathroom haha. In my case i use my right hand and my bangs go from short to long from right to left therefore its easy to cut them- i don't really know how easy it would be if you're the opposite but if you want to try just remember to start out longer because you can always cut more off!! Just cut a little more off the closer to your forehead and get longer as your bangs get closer to your ears, I also try to texture them a little by cutting some of the longer pieces on top a little shorter; not too think though (if you're afraid to do this, maybe hold back because its not a must) I just use regular grocery store shampoo and conditioner; i wash and dry and straighten every day and use some hairspray to add some volume. :]
A little life experience:
I am about to turn 18 in december, and up until now have not once had a job. I was so excited for the summer that i kind of just blew off job interviews, i got a few applications but failed to fill any of them out. Lately my mother has been having problems paying our rent or any of the bills on time. We want to move to the downtown area of Boise but have little money. I want to help her by getting a job. I think my nerves do get the best of me whenever i think about working. Im scared ill do a horrible job, or that i will have no idea what im doing. can you please help me?
Mack Says:
Jobs are all about learning! Don't be scared of messing up- they hire you so that they can teach you, don't ever be scared to ask questions if you're confused. You build experience by trying new things, you just need to apply lots of places and be confident about it. Be likable and be ready to learn quickly- if you really have zero experience just know that some of the higher end places not be ready to hire you yet. Don't be too picky about your first job, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up, thats just how life works! Apply everywhere possible if you're serious about making some money and helping your mom, keeping a steady job is also a good idea. Employers like to see that you can actually keep a job as well as having one. My advice: go out and apply, don't be scared we all have to start somewhere, don't be picky!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
ASK MACK: 3
Here is round 3 of my "advice column"
xox
Distance makes the heart grow fonder:
So, there's this boy. And over the course of a year and 2 months, we've kind of fallen for each other. And I am the type of girl who doesn't like anyone. Not because they're not good enough, but because I'm way too picky when it comes to relationships. But then I met HIM, and nothing else seemed to matter. I'm not a very trusting person. I try to think far more with my brain as opposed to my heart when it comes to those things, but with him- it's different. Nothing else matters. The only problem? Distance. Before we graduated, he lived 1 hour away, and he'd come every weekend to see me, or vise versa. But he now goes to UNC Wilmington, which is a good 5 hours away from me. We're both so crazy about each other, that we feel sick. It's all so perfect, with the exception of miles. Nothing is going to get better until one of us does something irrational, I don't think. I'm going to a 2 year college, then transferring. I haven't picked a school to transfer to yet, and Wilmington has stayed stuck in the back of my mind. I don't know what to do. Do you think it would be worth it to leave everything behind here for the one person who makes me truly happy? Or should I play it safe, stay here, be rational, and get over it?
It gave me more of a reason to ask you about this subject, since I looked at your myspace before sending you this message, and I noticed you and your boyfriend live a good way away from each other. I figured you'd know WAY more than me about this kind of thing. Are things worth it for you two?
Mack Says:
I think that any couple can battle distance if its meant to be. You have to have trust and boundries for what is okay and what is not- that being said i think that you two should just stay together, see each other as much as possible. It seems like you really care about eachother so why break that up? stay with him and see where it goes, i think you should stay at the 2 year college that you've been planning to go to- keep your relationship going and when the two years is coming closer to an end i really think you'll have a much better idea of what is right. A LOT can happen in two years and i think it would be foolish to get your heart set one something when you don't really know what the future holds. My boyfriend and i lived 500 miles away from eachother for a year, he visited me as much as he could and we talked on the phone as much as we could. I think some key factors to keeping your relationship strong are A. TRUST! You need to trust him and he needs to trust you, you cannot always be there to see what hes doing so you need to know in your heart hes not doing anything you would not want him to be doing- and the same goes for you. B. Talk/text as much as you can just so you feel like you're involved in eachothers lives. C. Go have fun with your friends, don't let your life stop because hes not around. its a waste of time! I truly think you'll find out what is right when the time comes, but for now its too soon. Be happy with him even if you're far away, if you're meant to be together this will work!
Girl Wants Boy:
Hi Mackenzie.
I wanted a to ask for some of your guidance on an issue that's been bothering me for almost a year. Hahah, yes, almost a whole year. So I have the biggest crush on my guy best friend. I never had a guy or a friend who cared or made me laugh as much as he does. But I have my doubts that he doesn't feel the same way as I do about him. But to make matters worse, he has a girlfriend :/
I don't know what to do. It makes me jealous knowing when he's with her and it's killin' me knowing how much I really like him. I want to tell him, but I don't want to destroy our friendship and the friendship I have with his girlfriend. What should I do?
Mack Says:
Honestly i can't tell you what to do- i don't know how much you value your friendship with his girlfriend or how serious his relationship is with her. Something that i do when i have a hard decision to make- i make a list of pros and cons. i weigh my options and i see what the outcome of each decision happens to be. If you decide you want to tell him, remember he may not feel the same. Its never good to break up another persons relationship but i also think its unhealthy to hold back your feelings. Lets say you do tell him- I think it would be best to talk to him privately and face to face. Tell him you're not trying to break up his relationship or ruin your friendship with him- let him know you have strong feelings for him and that you felt like he should know. That way, the topic is out there, he can think about it and realize that its an option; who knows... he might be happy and feel the exact same way. Dont ask him to make a decision just put it out there and ask nothing of him in return. I think you'll get the best results that way if you do decide to tell him. But remember!!! If you tell him and his girlfriend finds out, she might not be so happy about you two hanging out anymore; even as friends.
No time for love:
Okay. This one is a bit complicated and i'm sorry, but there's no way I can't go in depth so here goes; Last year I met this guy and we really hit it off, became really close friends, all that jazz. I had started to really like him when we got to be close friends. Well he graduated last year and I figured it was no big deal that we had been friends and that I'd had a thing for him because I was sure he never felt the same way. He had had a girlfriend all through his senior year and that made it even more apparent to me that he was in no way interested.
Well over this past summer we started talking again. It was no surprise to me that we were just as close as we had always been. During the course of us talking I was seeing this one guy who had sort of treated me like crap and my friend wasn't shy about bad mouthing him to me whenever we were having issues. I figured it was just him being a friend, but when the other guy and I broke up for good, i found out different.
I was really distraught and so I called my friend from my best friend's house at like...midnight. I was complaining to him and crying most of the night and finally he decided to come over and attempt to cheer me up. So, he got there at about one in the morning and stayed until two thirty.
That whole time he talked to me and made me feel a lot better, that and despite my vulnerable state, he kissed me. Normally I would have been appalled at anyone who would do that. I mean seriously? I had just broken up with my boyfriend of nearly three months two days ago. Surprisingly though, I didn't do or say anything. I welcomed the kiss from him. Three days later he asked me to be hid girlfriend and I actually accepted, despite my not being over my ex.
There were a few issues with this relationship. 1. My parents have a rule where I can only date people who are a year older/younger than me. No more, no less. He is two years older than me. And unfortunately my parents know of this. 2. He works a lot. Like I would never get to see him. And between his college, my high school, work, and rehersals for the plays we're both in; there was no time for us to be together.
I told him this two weeks ago. We were spending the afternoon together before a show I had and I told him that not being able to see him was really hard and I hated the way things had to be. He proceeded to suggest that this wasn't the right time for us to be together and that maybe we should wait a while. The problem with this is that by the time I turn 18, he will not be in the same town as me, and I am moving to San Fransisco after I graduate. So waiting, would not work.
Against my thoughts though, I agreed and he dropped me off at the theater to get ready for the show before he had to go to work. It wasn't necessarily said, but we both knew that it was over. I got out of his car and walked 50 feet before I collapsed and started bawling my eyes out.
I was like that for four days solid. About an hour after he had dropped me off, I called him and told him that I didn't care if I never got to see him. I just couldn't stand to lose him. I knew waiting wouldn't work and I wanted to seize the moment. He wasn't so sure.
So I ended up giving up. Or at least appearing as if I have. I haven't talked to him in a week. The thing is, I love him. Completely and totally. It's like... You know how there are certain people in everyone's life that makes them not want to be a better person, but feel like they are who they should be when they're with that person? It's like that. I'm not me without him. I'm this zombie that can't eat or sleep or even smile without thinking about how he is feeling.
Honestly, it hurts. I don't get any sleep and I have a perma-headache. I'm a bitch to all of my friends except for maybe my two best friends. I don't know if I should try and move on or try and make it work. From what I've been told, my now ex is just as miserable as I am and I want us back, but I really don't know what to do.
Mack Says:
Well, it seems like there are many factors trying to keep you apart- first off i hope that you choose to follow your dreams and move to San Francisco (don't let a boy hold you back): make sure you are doing all the things you set out to do- period. Second I can see that you really care about him, my best advice would be to follow your parents rules by not necesarilly "officially dating" but i think that you should talk to him, hang out with him as much as you can and just make it work. There are certain things you just can't avoid like- your parents, his job, moving away and your age. Work with what you have, be close friends that perhaps... act like they are together? You just can't force things to work, so right now all you can do is talk to him, be there for him and vice versa, see him as much as you can and keep living your life. As i think you see, being miserable isn't going to change what this is, just make the best of it and see where it all takes you. Maybe your parents will lighten up and maybe he'll get more free time- but as for now work with what you have, its not impossible to have some sort of relationship with him; and that is what i would advise. I think you'd be happier with a close friendship than not talking to him at all. If you two are meant to be, the world will make it happen.
MORE QUESTIONS? ASK MACK!
xox
Distance makes the heart grow fonder:
So, there's this boy. And over the course of a year and 2 months, we've kind of fallen for each other. And I am the type of girl who doesn't like anyone. Not because they're not good enough, but because I'm way too picky when it comes to relationships. But then I met HIM, and nothing else seemed to matter. I'm not a very trusting person. I try to think far more with my brain as opposed to my heart when it comes to those things, but with him- it's different. Nothing else matters. The only problem? Distance. Before we graduated, he lived 1 hour away, and he'd come every weekend to see me, or vise versa. But he now goes to UNC Wilmington, which is a good 5 hours away from me. We're both so crazy about each other, that we feel sick. It's all so perfect, with the exception of miles. Nothing is going to get better until one of us does something irrational, I don't think. I'm going to a 2 year college, then transferring. I haven't picked a school to transfer to yet, and Wilmington has stayed stuck in the back of my mind. I don't know what to do. Do you think it would be worth it to leave everything behind here for the one person who makes me truly happy? Or should I play it safe, stay here, be rational, and get over it?
It gave me more of a reason to ask you about this subject, since I looked at your myspace before sending you this message, and I noticed you and your boyfriend live a good way away from each other. I figured you'd know WAY more than me about this kind of thing. Are things worth it for you two?
Mack Says:
I think that any couple can battle distance if its meant to be. You have to have trust and boundries for what is okay and what is not- that being said i think that you two should just stay together, see each other as much as possible. It seems like you really care about eachother so why break that up? stay with him and see where it goes, i think you should stay at the 2 year college that you've been planning to go to- keep your relationship going and when the two years is coming closer to an end i really think you'll have a much better idea of what is right. A LOT can happen in two years and i think it would be foolish to get your heart set one something when you don't really know what the future holds. My boyfriend and i lived 500 miles away from eachother for a year, he visited me as much as he could and we talked on the phone as much as we could. I think some key factors to keeping your relationship strong are A. TRUST! You need to trust him and he needs to trust you, you cannot always be there to see what hes doing so you need to know in your heart hes not doing anything you would not want him to be doing- and the same goes for you. B. Talk/text as much as you can just so you feel like you're involved in eachothers lives. C. Go have fun with your friends, don't let your life stop because hes not around. its a waste of time! I truly think you'll find out what is right when the time comes, but for now its too soon. Be happy with him even if you're far away, if you're meant to be together this will work!
Girl Wants Boy:
Hi Mackenzie.
I wanted a to ask for some of your guidance on an issue that's been bothering me for almost a year. Hahah, yes, almost a whole year. So I have the biggest crush on my guy best friend. I never had a guy or a friend who cared or made me laugh as much as he does. But I have my doubts that he doesn't feel the same way as I do about him. But to make matters worse, he has a girlfriend :/
I don't know what to do. It makes me jealous knowing when he's with her and it's killin' me knowing how much I really like him. I want to tell him, but I don't want to destroy our friendship and the friendship I have with his girlfriend. What should I do?
Mack Says:
Honestly i can't tell you what to do- i don't know how much you value your friendship with his girlfriend or how serious his relationship is with her. Something that i do when i have a hard decision to make- i make a list of pros and cons. i weigh my options and i see what the outcome of each decision happens to be. If you decide you want to tell him, remember he may not feel the same. Its never good to break up another persons relationship but i also think its unhealthy to hold back your feelings. Lets say you do tell him- I think it would be best to talk to him privately and face to face. Tell him you're not trying to break up his relationship or ruin your friendship with him- let him know you have strong feelings for him and that you felt like he should know. That way, the topic is out there, he can think about it and realize that its an option; who knows... he might be happy and feel the exact same way. Dont ask him to make a decision just put it out there and ask nothing of him in return. I think you'll get the best results that way if you do decide to tell him. But remember!!! If you tell him and his girlfriend finds out, she might not be so happy about you two hanging out anymore; even as friends.
No time for love:
Okay. This one is a bit complicated and i'm sorry, but there's no way I can't go in depth so here goes; Last year I met this guy and we really hit it off, became really close friends, all that jazz. I had started to really like him when we got to be close friends. Well he graduated last year and I figured it was no big deal that we had been friends and that I'd had a thing for him because I was sure he never felt the same way. He had had a girlfriend all through his senior year and that made it even more apparent to me that he was in no way interested.
Well over this past summer we started talking again. It was no surprise to me that we were just as close as we had always been. During the course of us talking I was seeing this one guy who had sort of treated me like crap and my friend wasn't shy about bad mouthing him to me whenever we were having issues. I figured it was just him being a friend, but when the other guy and I broke up for good, i found out different.
I was really distraught and so I called my friend from my best friend's house at like...midnight. I was complaining to him and crying most of the night and finally he decided to come over and attempt to cheer me up. So, he got there at about one in the morning and stayed until two thirty.
That whole time he talked to me and made me feel a lot better, that and despite my vulnerable state, he kissed me. Normally I would have been appalled at anyone who would do that. I mean seriously? I had just broken up with my boyfriend of nearly three months two days ago. Surprisingly though, I didn't do or say anything. I welcomed the kiss from him. Three days later he asked me to be hid girlfriend and I actually accepted, despite my not being over my ex.
There were a few issues with this relationship. 1. My parents have a rule where I can only date people who are a year older/younger than me. No more, no less. He is two years older than me. And unfortunately my parents know of this. 2. He works a lot. Like I would never get to see him. And between his college, my high school, work, and rehersals for the plays we're both in; there was no time for us to be together.
I told him this two weeks ago. We were spending the afternoon together before a show I had and I told him that not being able to see him was really hard and I hated the way things had to be. He proceeded to suggest that this wasn't the right time for us to be together and that maybe we should wait a while. The problem with this is that by the time I turn 18, he will not be in the same town as me, and I am moving to San Fransisco after I graduate. So waiting, would not work.
Against my thoughts though, I agreed and he dropped me off at the theater to get ready for the show before he had to go to work. It wasn't necessarily said, but we both knew that it was over. I got out of his car and walked 50 feet before I collapsed and started bawling my eyes out.
I was like that for four days solid. About an hour after he had dropped me off, I called him and told him that I didn't care if I never got to see him. I just couldn't stand to lose him. I knew waiting wouldn't work and I wanted to seize the moment. He wasn't so sure.
So I ended up giving up. Or at least appearing as if I have. I haven't talked to him in a week. The thing is, I love him. Completely and totally. It's like... You know how there are certain people in everyone's life that makes them not want to be a better person, but feel like they are who they should be when they're with that person? It's like that. I'm not me without him. I'm this zombie that can't eat or sleep or even smile without thinking about how he is feeling.
Honestly, it hurts. I don't get any sleep and I have a perma-headache. I'm a bitch to all of my friends except for maybe my two best friends. I don't know if I should try and move on or try and make it work. From what I've been told, my now ex is just as miserable as I am and I want us back, but I really don't know what to do.
Mack Says:
Well, it seems like there are many factors trying to keep you apart- first off i hope that you choose to follow your dreams and move to San Francisco (don't let a boy hold you back): make sure you are doing all the things you set out to do- period. Second I can see that you really care about him, my best advice would be to follow your parents rules by not necesarilly "officially dating" but i think that you should talk to him, hang out with him as much as you can and just make it work. There are certain things you just can't avoid like- your parents, his job, moving away and your age. Work with what you have, be close friends that perhaps... act like they are together? You just can't force things to work, so right now all you can do is talk to him, be there for him and vice versa, see him as much as you can and keep living your life. As i think you see, being miserable isn't going to change what this is, just make the best of it and see where it all takes you. Maybe your parents will lighten up and maybe he'll get more free time- but as for now work with what you have, its not impossible to have some sort of relationship with him; and that is what i would advise. I think you'd be happier with a close friendship than not talking to him at all. If you two are meant to be, the world will make it happen.
MORE QUESTIONS? ASK MACK!
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Mackenzie-
- AskMack
- Silverlake, California, United States
- Questions: askmack.girltalk@yahoo.com