ASK MACK: 5

So i'm packing up my room and it is so strange... i cannot imagine living somewhere else. I've never been the new girl but i have always been the girl who was always instant friends with the new girl. Haha so hopefully i'll get some good karma and have some friends when i move. If you live in the LA area and you're not creepy you should write me on myspace and we can talk :]
Here are some more of your questions answered-Thanks for writing me and trusting me to give you some good advice, i really appreciate it! It also helps me focus on other things besides all of the huge changes i'm going through. I also wanted to say- i get some people not wanting their questions posted on the blog but i just wanted to remind you that A: You will be kept 100% anonymous B: When you let your questions/fears/hopes/dreams/insecurities out, it helps other people- they can relate and you never know who you are helping by asking!! Think of it as a way to reach out to other people, letting them know that they are not alone. :]


Cat & Mouse:
Hello
Ive been dating my guy for over a year. He meets all the qualities i want. Well everyone sees as our relationship and amazing because we seem so happy. And i am happy. But i've been feeling some doubt lately. The first 4 months of our relationship he was chasing me and always wanted to be with me. And now that ive been showing him it back things kinda changed. He wasnt always calling me, doing things for me and trying to spend every second with me. I understand he feels more comfortable around ma and maybe its because he knows he has me now. I dont know. I guess i just want more spice in it. I've talked to him about it before and told him that i feel like maybe he is getting bored with me. I was his first everything. And im afraid he is going to want to see what else is out there. Hes told me he wants to spend his life with me. He is happy with having me and only me and im the only one who understand him inside and out. Is it ok to have doubt and to be afraid that he will leave me?

Mack Says:
I understand what you're saying-but you just need to see that relationships go in stages. You know how when people talk about marriage they talk about the "honeymoon" phase? Relationships are all like that, the beginning is the honeymoon phase- everything is new and exciting and you can't get enough of each other. Its normal for things to calm down a little bit, you can't stay in that phase forever because your relationship grows into something more. Rather than thinking of it as "my relationship is fizzling out" think of it as a new stage, hitting the year marks are always tough. They are exciting but they come with a lot of high expectations, Things aren't as new anymore but i think that can be solved by doing new things together. Break free from the usual routine if you're feeling like you need a little spark. With time comes comfort in what you have, which is good but can also be bad- it becomes bad if you're staying in your relationship simply because you're comfortable. It is good when you know that you really enjoy spending time with your significant other and are comfortable in their company and know a lot about them. Just know that you'll always continue to learn new things about him which i think is exciting in itself. You two just need to sit down and come to an understanding of what you want out of your relationship. Its all about compromise and doing whats best for each other- find things that you've never done and make them happen. You can't expect things to be the same as they were in the first few months but you can expect things to still be new and exciting as long as you're choosing to do things that you don't do everyday.

College questions:
i just graduated college, its was a trade school and i havent found my job for my profession just yet, but i am really debating on if working in this field is what i want to do. My mom forced me into it and I just feel confused. I feel bad for having my parents pay the 12 grand to get my a college education but i dont know if its what i want to do. How would you handle the situation?

Mack Says:
You should not feel bad, you need to let your parents know how you're feeling and if you're not interested in the field you originally picked (or were forced into) you need to change it!! This is YOUR life, and YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY! I understand that moms have a huugeee impact on how we think and feel as well as the choices we make- but i know that you're mom wants you to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Think of what you did as a learning experience, perhaps not what you wanted to do though; so i'd say to look into other college options. You're still young and its never too late to learn- find schools that you like and take some general classes, eventually you will come across what interests you. If your parents are not willing to help further your education just know that student loans are always an option. My mom tells me ALL THE TIME that student loans are the "cheapest money you can get" meaning that you don't start paying them back till after you graduate, they are also very cheap to pay back ($150 per month) Lots of people take out student loans and you'll never get another loan for that cheap, so if money is an issue, its not anymore! The simple fact is: this is your life, you're picking something that you're going to be doing for the rest of your life and you might as well LOVE what you're doing. You are in control of you're own destiny, not your mom and not your wallet. make it happen!!

The used:
ive been talking to this guy for almost 2 months now and before i started talking to him (2 weeks )he had broken up with his ex gf of almost 2 years but were talking now and in the begining things were great we started getting to know each other and weeks went by and we acted like a couple and everything well one night his ex surprisingly showed up to his house just because she wanted to see him but wtv he actually told me that she went but it was still strange to me after that things went downhill wed hangout and all he would do is text text text and completely ignore me so i got tired of it and talked to him and i asked him if he was gonna get back together with his ex he asked me why and i told him bcuz uve been completely ignoring me and all u do is text he tells me that they are talking but just as friends and he doesnt see them going out again but i really dont belive that ... i asked him if i was wasting my time with him bcuz if i was i couldve just left and deleted his number and he said noo blah blah ur not .. well currently were still talking but ever since we started talking all hes ever asked from me were favors could u do this for me or take me here and im just to nice to say no so me being the idiot does it but now its gotten to the point were he doesnt kiss or hug me just gives me a kiss on the cheek ... but i still stick around and i dont know why.. well i do know i like him alot more than he does me but im just sick of being used i rleally dont know what to do or think
on top of that im so unhappy with my appearance more my weight and like just thoe extra pounds of me losing would make me so happy but lately i havent been motivated enough and im just so stressed .. its kinda nice to just express how i feel that would be a nice thing to do every once in awhile

Mack Says:
I think you need to steer clear of this guy. He just got out of a really seious relationship and its obvious that he isn't over her. When people are together for that long, its a lot harder just to bounce back. I think that you would be much happier not having some guy use you as the rebound girl. Its really lame that he is asking all of these things of you and not even giving you a good friendship in return. I know that you like him, but you're going to hurt yourself even more if you stick around. He needs time to get over his ex- they clearly have a lot to work out. Perhaps there is a possible friendship and maybe later it will turn into something more, just don't expect a romantic relationship out of him at this stage. In order for him to be good for you, he needs to be good for himself. I mean that in the sense that he needs to heal and move on before he can be with anyone else. You deserve to be with someone who is 100% for you no 45%. You say that you're unhappy with apperance which is understandable- all girls feel this way! I feel like this all the time, as far as the extra weight goes all you can do is be healthy. Eat good foods, don't eat when you're not hungry, try to get some exercize. Once you start, you'll feel better and you'll want to keep doing it! It is also a good idea to get your feelings out, trust me i am the queen of holding in my feelings... and it SUCKS. I let things build and build until i explode, so talking from personal experience- letting things out as they come, is the best idea. It will lower your stress level and make you all around happier.


Shady lady:
my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half off and on, and two months ago she had sex with this guy she knew when she was younger and living in Spain, she told me she had a big crush on him and when she left, I dont think she ever really got over the crush.. Well first she lied to me saying she was with a friend when she ended up going on a date with him, so the next day she told me the truth and I was upset and told her to break up with me, she was upset and she did. Four days after we broke up, I went out with a girl to the movies, it wasn't a date but that was the day of her birthday and after I ended up texting her saying Happy Birthday she responded back saying I thought you where someone important so I told her I was on a date. So that night of her birthday she was drinking and ended up hooking up with this guy, making out and doing god knows what. Well the next day we talked and she upsetted me and after our fight she calls the boy and ends up sleeping with him. After that, I as devastated and hurt and I stuck by her when she cried for him, when she didn't want me anymore or loved me and wanted him. When he didn't want her and all she could do was want him, but when he finally wanted her, she didn't want him.. And she only talked to me, said she cared about me or loved me because she wanted to get over the other boy, until she finally feel for me again. I still think she may have feelings for him and shes only talking to me and probably using me because i still stuck by her side. But all her friends and family say they are destined to be together and I feel like its not gonna happen that way with her and I.To this day I can't get over the fact she had sex with him and it's been tearing us apart. She's been telling me to get over it or get gone. I love this girl alot but I can't get over the fact she had sex with him and to this day it still bothers me. Am I wrong for being upset when this happened when we weren't together or is it ok for me to still be upset? its been driving me crazy and lately ive been thinking its best if i just end it with her right here and right now because im never going to get over it, she really hurt me and she knew what she was doing and for a while she wanted him not me. should i get over it? should i just leave her alone or what should I do?

Mack Says:
There is obviously a lot of betrayal and a huge lack of trust here- which i think is bad news. Relationships are built on a foundation of solid trust. If you can't trust her, there isn't a foundation for your relationship. It seems to me that she is a little self centered. I understand that you really care about her and i think that you want to trust her again, its just a really hard thing to build back. Everyone makes mistakes, and at some point you'll have to let it go. You two just really need to set down some serious boundries, If you don't want her talking to this guy she had sex with in order for your relationship to work- i think thats a fair thing to ask. Tell her what you need from her in order to trust her again, if she can't deleiver then i would say it might be time to move on. She needs to recognize that she messed things up and that it isn't only your job to just "move on". Its going to take a lot from both sides to make it work and she is going to have to compromise. Talk it out, tell her what you need and if things don't change- she might not be the girl for you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to also have a loving trusting relationship: not an emotional rollercoaster, where you don't even know if your girlfriend even wants to be with you. You need to rebuild your trust in order to start rebuilding your relationship- it will take time, effort and cooperation from both sides. Its hard but not impossible.

Child bride?:
okay, so i'm 18. and i've been with the guy of my dreams for almost 10 months now. he's incredible. enough said. he never ever EVER fails to put a smile on my face. he knows everything about me, and vice versa. and he totally respects my morals too, like how i don't want to have sex. i told him i wasn't ready, and i don't think that i would be for a really long time, and he said that he didn't want our relationship to revolve around that, so he's totally cool with it! we have awesome times together, and i just love being with him all the time. only problem is, he's a year younger than me. i'm a senior and he's a junior. i'm going off to college next fall, and i'll be three hours away from him.

and tonight, he asked me to marry him.
sounds cool, right? but i'm starting to have doubts. we both think we're too young. he said we should probably wait a couple years or until we're able to support each other. but he still wants to marry me. he's so sure of it. well, i told him i needed time to think, but not to worry. see, the thing is, i don't know if we could LAST that long to be able to marry each other. it just seems like such a long time away, and i'm scared that something would happen and we'd break up. and i'm also scared that it's just my crazy adolescent mind that's telling me "i've been with him for so long. i want to marry him," like a lot of other girls my age do. i want to be sure of myself, but i'm worried that a couple years down the road, i won't feel the same.
i DO want to marry him. but i don't know if it's the right thing to say 'yes' yet.

what do you think i should do?

Mack Says:
First off i'd like to say if you think that you wont last long enough to marry later OR that your feelings may change down the road- you've answered your own question. The fact that you're 3 hours away isn't going to change just because you're married. If anything it will make things harder, what if you decide that you want to break up- you'll have to go through a divorce. Marrige isn't some bond that will hold tighter than a relationship, its a decision you make when you're ready to take the next step. In my opinion, you're WAY too young to get married and he is still a little kid in hich school. 3 hours isn't that bad, its possible to visit, talk on the phone/text/talk online. Just make it work. I've told other people this before, my boyfriend and i lived 500 miles away from eachother for a year and still made it work. Like i've said, relationships are all about trust! Set boundries; what you're comfortable with and what you're uncomfortable with and agree to stick with those things. Call eachother, visit as much as you can. If you're meant to be, then things will work out. I think that you'll seriously regret getting married, plus you've only been together 10 months- that isn't enough time to fully know a person or to make a choice to spend your life with him. I don't doubt that you really love him but i would certainly say no to marriage. That is something that will come with time and isn't something to be thrown around or rushed. Getting married wont keep you together or keep your feelings the same any more than a "boyfriend girlfriend" relationship will. I know that you can make it work, even from three hours away- its all a matter of how you handle it.

Moving on:
oh boy so this is a little bit of a long story but im hoping you can help...
I have known this boy for like two years, and starting last march we were talking everyday ALL day through txt. i learned so much about him its crazy. we started hanging out, and of course all the feelings followed. We then began to be official, and we spent all summer together, i enjoyed every moment, and learned so much, i have a new look on life, he helped open my eyes. anyways so come august time he decided that we needed to be done due to the fact that he is leaving for 6 months up to a year or most likely longer. it was so hard to hear even tho i know he was right in ending it now. he told me that if he stayed with me he wouldnt leave and wouldnt want to go, and if he did leave he would spend his times missing me and he didnt want that, he has been planning this trip for a long long time, one of his dreams and something he feels he has to do. who am i to interfer? Its just really really really hard. and he also told me that he wants me and that he fell for me but isnt going to pursue what he wants and that he thinks its best before he falls in love. its so frustrating.so i finally told him i couldnt talk anymore because it was too hard for me, and he flipped out on me.ugh. anyways the point to this story is to ask you how i can get over this and move on?? not to mention his very best friend whom is my best friend has finally come out with how he feels for me, and that he is crazy for me. great. im not sure whether to risk our friendship to see where it could go, especially when im not over his best friend. what should i do? and one last thing the best friends roommate who is also my ex's best friend too has been talking to me everyday and getting to know me. i kinda like getting to know him as well, bad idea huh? since he is both the two guys best friend and roommate. oh boy what a mess. maybe it could officially help me move on...

Mack Says:
I think its awesome that you're supportive of his dreams. He needs to do what he needs to do and i think that if you two are destined to be together, then it will eventually work out. If not, just take it as a great learning experience, you said yourself that you have a new outlook on life which in itself is a great thing.As far as dating his friends go, I would talk to him about it, or be sure they do. You don't ever want to ruin friendships and that includes yours with your ex- you never know how he will react to this if you don't confront him first. I also think that its a good idea to emotionally and mentally move on before you date anyone else, just be sure you're ready for someone else before you take that step.

Body Talk: Xs 2
1) i really want to lose weight, and i don't know how. it's so hard! i want to know how you stay thin and what you think the best way to lose weight is? i don't have a gym memership and i can't afford one so that doesn't work. i want to lose like 10-15 pounds fast. I hate my arms and i just need your advice and help.

2) Where do you buy your clothes? & how do you stay so skinny?

Mack Says:
1) Losing weight is hard! It takes dedication and a lot of effort. I can't say that i'm very good at doing all these things; but i do know what you need to do to acheive your weight goals. FIRST OFF- there is a lot of pressure on girls to stay thin, i totally get it; just know that there are healthy ways to get where you want to be. Lots of girls resort to unhealthy methods and let me tell you, its a bad idea. Eating disorders are just a path to destrustion They screw up your metabolism and they can lead to death if they get extreme. I would say if you want to loose some weight- there isn't really an easy way to do it. You just have to make a plan and stick with it. Eat healthy foods, avoid snacking on things when you're not hungry, cut things like soda and candy from your diet.... and.... WORKOUT! Sucks- i know. I hate it too, but even if you can't afford a gym there is always the great outdoors. Run, power walk, sprint, jog, jumprope, jump on a trampoline, crunches in your room, leg lifts, push ups etc. there are so many work outs that you can do in the comfort of your own home. If you need some motivation work out tapes are also a good choice. They are cheap and they help you find exercises to do. Also getting a set of light weights and doing basic arm lifts will tone them right up! Just have determination and know that you can do it.
2) I shop pretty much anywhere i find something cute :] but i love urban outfitters, forever 21 and sometimes american apparel. I also love little boutiques where they have unique items, ross, tj max, and places like nordstrom rack are also great and pretty cheap. As far as my body goes, i'd say i'm naturally thin and got lucky with a quick metabolism. I think what all girls need to know is that every BODY is different, i would say what i said to question 1 is good for you as well if you're looking to loose some weight and stay healthy.

-It seems like most girls have an unrealistic image of how they actually look. Just remember that staying healthy and loving yourself for who you are INSIDE AND OUT is the most important thing you can do. Not everyone is meant to be a size 00 and thats OKAY. Do healthy things, and you'll feel so much better about yourself. You don't want to end up like this:






YUCK!